Niggers are retarded. Yes, they are!

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Coontact Tale #1,285 (03-08-2008)

niggers and single use cameras

yep niggers can even screw up taking pics with a disposable camera. This morning I had your typical fat sheeboon bring in two cameras for processing wanting them by 10. Nothing unusual or complicated right, well anyway both cameras came out basically blank.(there was one extremely underexposed pic of a flower pot on one). Well anyway the sheeboons mama came in about 945 to pick up the film and a cat 3 chimpout started. "whaddya mean the films was blank?" "dems the best camberas dat de dolla sto sells" and my favorite"I gots to be in cot in twenty minutes with dose pics so i can be showin de judge dat I beese taking exra good care of my grandbabies. Well anyway after that she stormed out screaming about suing CVS and the usual nigger bullshit. Just another day in paradise.

Coontact Tale #1,286 (03-08-2008)

Nigger in Dog Cage

This was back in 78. Me and my buddy were cruising around in my new Trans Am drinking beer looking for girls in another town about 100 miles from where we lived on a Sunday afternoon. Some girls hollered at us and told us to follow them. I made a U turn and went after them. The next thing I know theres a cop behind me with the lights flashing. He pulls us and the girls over. He starts chewing my ass for making the U turn and the next thing I know Iam in the back of his car handcuffed. Anyway he takes me to the jail which is under the courthouse and sits me down and leaves. I start looking around and I see a nigger in what looked like a dog cage. I said hey man whats the deal. The nigger said "I dont knows what I dos wrong they just takes me off the bus and puts me in here". Iam thinking fuck me and about that time the cop comes back in and asks me how much cash I have on me. I told him $20.00 and he cursed me and took my money and told me to get the hell out of his town which I did real fast. I never forgot seeing that nigger in that cage and wondering what ever became of him

Coontact Tale #1,287 (03-08-2008)

Al Bundy's Adventures in Shoesales Part 6

It seems like, just when I can go a month or two without major coontact, it happens again. So here's another entry into the never ending saga of my tales from work.

~Yesterday, I had just came into work. I settled down and started putting some stock away. As I am floating back and forth from the stock room, I see what appears to be a fat niggerbuck waddling its way into the store, with one of our bags (which means return time!) I sigh to myself, knowing that I have no choice but to wait on this nigger because I was by myself. I continue doing stock and attempting to ignore the situation as long as possible, until it walks up to the counter with both a men's and women's shoe in its paws. Until it spoke to me, I thought it was a niggerbuck. But it apparently was a huge nigger sow that stunk to high heaven. She was very uppity, and she wanted both the men's and women's shoe to try on to exchange for the shoe she had bought almost a month ago (our return policy is one month, and the shoes can't be damaged upon return.) She literally got it in within a day of being too late for a return.

Of course, I tell the sheboon that the one is a men's shoe and she still be wantin' it female. I go in the back, make it look like I'm actually looking for something, and just grab the women's shoe since it was more expensive. I get back out and she has a fist full of shoes in her paws now. I give her the shoe and begrudgingly go "look" for the other shoes. I bring out two pairs out of the six she found (of course the most expensive of them all.) It takes that nasty sheboon a whole hour to try on three pairs of shoes. One full hour. Of course during the middle of her trying the shoes on one of her "gurlfriends" be coming in shuckin' an' jivin'. She plops down next to the he/sheboon and starts niggerbabbling, making everything take even longer.

When the nigger sow finally decides on a pair of shoes, I take it up to the counter and start processing the return. We require name/address/phone # to process it. Of course the nigger gets uppity and doesn't want to give me her phone number. I finally get that out of her, and we get through processing everything and we end up owing her about $3. So we have to put it back on the credit card that it was originally paid on. Of course she didn't have the card, it be her mammy's card n sheet. That turned into another arguement, cause "she just be wantin da cash back an sheet." Well that wasn't happening of course. So we ended up giving her a store credit.

All in all, she was in the store for close to two hours. And at every turn she tried to juke us out of money

I'm just sick of these uppity niggers that think YT will bend over backwards for them.

Coontact Tale #1,288 (03-09-2008)

Coontact at Popeye's Chicken!

A few months a go a few buddies and I were out and we happen to walk past a Popeye's Chicken. So, one of my friends picks up some snow on the ground threw a couple of snow balls at the place.

Then, two "gangsta" niggers come out with their hands flying in the air, and said ... "Man! Why you disrespectin' Popeye?!"

We all started laughing and the niggers were apparently pretty confused.


Coontact Tale #1,289 (03-11-2008)

I just saw a nigger.....
I just saw a nigger urinating in a phone booth on 37th between 5th and 6th in NYC.

I was walking West on 37th with my usual head swivel looking left to right identifying nigger threats when I saw a nigger stuffed into a phone booth.

I looked down and saw fluid dripping from the phone booth onto the sidewalk. The nigger looked at me. With one hand it was holding its dick and with the other it had taken a piece of chewing gum out of its maw and placed it on the inside wall of the phone booth.

The NYC niggers are absolutely disgusting.

But alas, how can I be "Mad" at these sub-human simian primates. It would be the same as me getting upset at the behavior of a Chimpanzee at the Zoo.



Coontact Tale #1,290 (03-13-2008)

In Imperial War Museum coontact

In Manchester UK, they have the Imperial War Museum. If you want to see the big one, you need to go to London.

Anyway, I went to Manchester to see it. It was good. They had all sorts of exhibits, and shows, together with WW1 grenade bombs you could examine. Their was even WW2 Russian T38 tank.

Later in the exhibition, there were lesser sections devoted to smaller wars. There was something on the Franco-Prussian wars, and other engagements.

I noticed something about the Mao Mao war in da muddaland. It was just the one exhibit.

There were several white guys rocking silently trying not to laugh out loud.

In the glass case was a piece of plywood which had been shaped to resemble the stock of a rifle. To this the boon had glued the pole of a tent, so that in the dark it may have been mistaken for a rifle. Next it had gotten a bolt from somewhere, the sort that are used to secure a door. I guess the bolt action made it look more fearsome to a nigger.

I imagined the nigger running around at dusk trying to let on it was a gun.

But the really funny hing was that everything about the nigger"gun" had been made by Whites. The plywood, the saw used the cut it, the bolt and the tent pole - All probably imported from Europe


Coontact Tale #1,291 (03-13-2008)

Funny coontact tale from last week

I pride myself as a consummate TNB observer but recently I saw something that wasn't done in my school days. I was getting my hair cut when I overheard two bufforillas talking about "deys grambaby gradgeeation". My confusion started when I heard this as these she-boons were like 35. I'm thinking the grandniglet is graduating maybe highskoo (as rare as that happens) and the shegroids are as usual referring to some 20 y/o fully formed gorilla as "muh baby". So doing the math it sounded impossible even for the reproduction cycle of nigs. Then on my way to the counter to pay I passed by them and saw the niglet's picture. It was a 7-8 y/o looking niglet all dressed up in cap and gown with a diploma and all (face still looked like photog spilled ink bottle). Then I hear one of them say “wat you grambaby in neks yea” and the other replied “him beez starting secon grade”. I looked at the YT girl that was serving me (she's definitely a believer like us) and we choked back the laughter (her boss may have been upset if we'd started a chimp-out in her store).

Coontact Tale #1,292 (03-14-2008)

All I can see is eyes and teeth at school

Hi everyone I am curently attending adult school here in San Bernardino CA. The school I am going to is one of those low cost adult ed places where 90% of the student body are street level home giblet niggers who are only there as a condition of thier parole. Today before I went to class I was outside talking to two human girls who are also in my class.

All the sudden 3 drug addict criminals appear from nowhere with thier hoods up and interupt our conversation and start talking to the girls with the typical "how u do'n...daym babee you be keepin it spiffy...ahhhhhh yeahh haw haw haw" and all 3 of them had to shake hands with the girls. When the lead AIDS dispenser looked at me he retracted his hand and said "haw haw naw sorry bra" AS IF I would have shaken its thieving shit flinging hand in the first place!!

So as the 3 jigs were moping away one of them turned around and yelled to me "Ayy muh nigguh lemmee barow 10 dollahs my nigguh" followed by more unquotable nigger babble. I shook my head no and it said "huh" so I replied "huh" follwed by another "huh" from it and another"huh" by me. They babooned away after that giving me that dirty niggery evil eye look.

my two friends asked why I couldent just answer and let it be over so I told them that I would rather waste the energy huh-ing back and forth rather than give some shaved ape the satisfaction of a civilized reply. It is not like they would understand that anyway. It called me a niggah and asked for money and what has its kind ever giving me expet grief.

I cant wait to get my cert and get out of this niggerlicious hell hole.

Coontact Tale #1,293 (03-14-2008)

Hi guys- Newbie here...NIGS @ The Supermarket

Hello all...Thought I would share this story with you and you would all get a kick out of it.

So my local neighborhood Path-Mark has those "self check-out lanes" where you scan your own items and everything. I usually use them when I go there just to grab a few items rather than waiting on the line.

Now it NEVER FAILS that a nigger (usually one of those 400 lb gorilla women) create a problem that fucks up the entire process. First off, it's pretty clear that the express self check-out is for 12 items or less- there's a sign that says so and everyone else standing in line has no more than a few items. But leave it to some stupid fat nigger lady to situate her fat ass on the line with a shopping cart full of- I shit you not- 10 boxes Devil Dogs, about 20 cans of Chef Boyardee, and about 10 2-liter bottles of Mountain Dew Code Red. She's got two of her screaming offspring in tow (I know, probably 5 more at home). Nobody says anything to her regarding the fact that she has a shopping cart of full of stuff because nobody wants to be the one that gets into a confrontation in the grocery store.

So she waddles her fat ass up to the scanner and her nigger offspring start screaming "LET US SCAN IT LET US SCAN IT!". I chuckle to myself as I think "get used to it now kids- that's about as advanced a job as you'll have as an adult!". Now, at this point, any normal human would realize that they've already inconvenienced a line full of people by bringing a shopping cart full of food to an express line and would make it their business to hurry the fuck up and get out of there. But not the 400 lb ape. You know these niggas. They don't give a fuck who they inconvenience. So now shes like "OK CHILL'UN YOUS TAKE TURNS!" and of course the kids cause the automated machine to lock up pressing buttons and throwing the items around like the little savages they are. By the time I left she had 2 store employees at her side assisting her in doing what any normal functional human being should be able to do on their own- scan groceries.

Typical right?


Coontact Tale #1,294 (03-14-2008)

Niggers Don't Like Me Being On Niggermania

This morning, I stopped on Niggermania to check my messages before I worked on my Independent Study project (I am designing an animation of a solar eclipse in Cinema 4D, about 215 different digital objects and 40 gigs of information, hence; a lot of work.)

Anyway, The coontacts, as they always do, caught my eye. I spent a few minutes reading. I noticed that a few niggers were sitting behind me in the lab, but of course, I'm not going to inconvenience myself just to keep the niggers more happy. I have a right as an American (and a human one at that), to read whatever the hell I want to read.

Anyway, behind me I can hear the typical niggerbabble. iPods blaring jungle drum music, talking, screeching, whatever. I am just minding my own business. The bandwidth in the lab is clogged up by niggers on Myspace and Facebook an' sheeit, so I am having trouble getting a good wireless connection on my Macbook. I reboot it and open back up Safari, before I open Cinema 4D. Behind me, I hear, as clear as a nigger can try and speak;

"Aw sheeit. Lookit dat! Lookit dat!"

I just ignore it, thinking to myself 'Please let them be talking about something else.' Today I am having a caffeine withdrawal headache (I have to go to CostCo today, which is pretty Nigger free, and get more Monster energy drinks. The blue kind, of course. Low carb, low sugar.)

Anyway, I heard some more niggerbabble.

"Lookit dat! Lookieeeeeee a'dat! Look, Marquis.. (or however you spell it, who really cares?), dat booooyyyy bee on a raycis site. Niggamania!"

I turned around in my seat. Of course, they immeadiatly went 'oooohhh oooh oohhh' and started bobbling their heads, as if shocked that I wasn't in the mood to just quietly take the niggerbabble.

"Excuse me? I can read whatever I want. When you buy your own computer, you can read whatever you want too. Until then, I don't want to hear your monkey business today."

Now, I didn't get a chimpout from this. Instead, I got more of the 'ooo ooo oohhh oohhh booga booga', or whatever. I just laughed at them and put my headphones in. I wasn't listening to anything at the moment, but I was hoping they'd at least assume I couldn't hear them and give up after a few minutes.

After about ten more minutes of standard niggerbabble, I'd had enough. I had finally gotten my connection running properly again (I need wireless to run Cinema 4D, because I have to get code and such from the professor via iChat.). I wasn't even ON Niggermania anymore, but it continued.

"Maybeeeee wee needs to tell all 'dem (Professors or such?) dats you raycissssss...."

I took out my headphones, and without even turning around, said, loud and clear; "Maybe you need to drag your monkey ass out of here and find a KFC."

I turned on one of my favorite songs at this point (The Best Is Yet To Come from the original Metal Gear Solid Soundtrack), and drowned out the niggerbabble that followed. Finally, they got up and left. I was relieved, mainly because they were making my headache worse.

Anyway, I gave in to my caffeine addiction and bought a Monster from the BP Connect. On the way in, on a side note, I saw a 350lb sheboon overfilling her tank and spilling gas all over her car. I got a dirty monkey stare when I laughed, and I found myself standing in the BP for an extra moment, hoping that the sheboon would pull out without taking the nozzle out.... but sadly, it didn't happen. Maybe next week.

Coontact Tale #1,295 (03-15-2008)

Coontact at DMV...nigger thinks I'm a Confederate soldier.

Several months ago I bought a new car in another state, and they sent the Certificate of Origin to my county DMV headquarters, which meant I have to go down there to pay the taxes and get my license plate. Of course, this DMV headquarters in in nigger-central since the county I live in has a huge nigger infested city in it.

I make the trek down to brown town, enter the building, go through metal detectors with dirty niggers running them, wait in line surrounded by niggers, then talk to one of the ten niggers working there (9 sheboons, 1 gay buck). It tells me to wait while they get my paperwork. I wait two hours, checking in with the niggers every half hour, then some porch monkey tells me, "We send yo stuff back cuz you don't come here soon enub. Gets dem ta resends it." What fucking niggers.

I call the car dealership, they did not receive any returned paperwork, of course. I call the stupid DMV coons again, and after waiting forever on hold some dirty spearchucker tells me that they have my paperwork after all. Niggers.

I go back down to niggerville, a nig asks me for some change and I tell it "no", then the thing hisses at me like the animal that it is. I enter the building, go through detectors, and I finally get to a DMV nigger after a long wait surrounded by the scent of shit and niggerstink.

Here is where I expect a chimpout. I tell the chimpette that I want a Sons of Confederate Veterans license plate. Guess what the nigger says? "Lets me sees yo discharge paepas." I say, "my discharge papers from the Army of the Confederacy?" The sheboon says, "Yeah, I needs dem ta gibs you dat plate. I needs proove yous a vederan."

Now I know niggers are stupid, but how does a niggress not know what the Confederacy is? I can't believe that with how much niggers bitch about slavery that one doesn't know this little historical fact.

I tell the retarded nigger that I don't have my papers on me, but to just issue me the plate because they are not required. She says, "I can't do dat." I tell it to get me the supervisor, hoping a white guy will come out of a back office, but nope, another sheboon, this one with a jamaican nigger accent.

I tell this jamaiconigger that I want a Sons of Confederate Veterans license plate, and this one knows what the Confederacy is because it has a mini chimpout and says, "Why you wants dat? We don got dat no more. Get a different plate." I tell the nigger that I want the SCV plate and argue with it, tell it that they say they're available online, and then the coon tells me that, "they not in da system." I have a printout on me that says the code "CV", which I make the nigger type into "da system". Guess what, I get the Sons of Confederate Veterans license plate, and all I had to do was put up with several hours of nigger shit. When I left, the first nigger still thought I was a time travelling Confederate veteran from Sweden.

This is what the plate looks like.

click here

Coontact Tale #1,296 (03-15-2008)

World history chimpout

So this week in Grad school we were looking at the book Africa and Africans in the Making of the Atlantic World, 1400-1800 which basicly proves that africans were slavers and considered slaves the only property they could personaly own in africa. The book also proves that african tribes ran the slave trade for the europeans from africa and were the main criminals. Its a fun read that debunks myths left and right.

Well our AA grad nigger had a chipout of epic proprtions. His speach (lasted for nearly haf the class time) was so disjointed that it cant even be described as coherant. "Dis bullsheet" and "Mi Dik" were frequent along with "Mudda fuck dis raycist" and on and on. The idea that african would enslave other africans and YT had nothing to do with it was a little too much. He left the class after his rant was debunked by yours truly. Best part is the book has a second half dealing with niggers in the new world so I get to see thsi insanity again tuesday.


Coontact Tale #1,297 (03-15-2008)


Get me sum waddymelon

Every spring it's the same ol' nigger shine n' sheeeiiit. This year it's waddymelons again.

I went to see my friend Mike the other day in the afternoon. He's a dirt farmer and plants mostly tomatoes. Darn good money here with all of the genetically engineered varieties. Anyway, I found him out planting on a new lease he acquired and went tearassing down the access road in my PU. He stopped for a break where I was parked at the end of the check to see who I was. He is always in good spirits and happy to see friends once in a while. You know, for farmers, it's a lonely and dirty14 hour day during planting season.

As he steps out of his Deere, I notice his facial expression is not the usual happy one. I thought he was pissed at me for interrupting his work day. As he walks over to me he greets as we shake hands. I ash if he's O.K. and he says "Yea, but those fuckin niggers are at it again". I asked, "What are they up to this time". He tells me that along the edges of the checks they have been throwing shitloads of watermelon seeds for him to till under with his planting. Then, when ripe, thay come out at night and pick them along with aluminum irrigation pipe, diesel, farming implements and anything else they can steal from the property.

So now, when the melons are little, he has to spend a day or two bashing these immature melons so the baboons won't show up at harvest time. Fuckin niggers AGAIN!



Coontact Tale #1,298 (03-15-2008)

Un-Freakin Believable!

I had the afternoon off work and went by the local motorcycle shop to order some accessories for my bike. As I was chatting with one of the owners a salesman came up and asked if I would be willing to do a favor for a customer. Seems the guy wanted to test ride a bike but hadn't had a bike in years so he didn't have his cycle endorsement. They don't let you test ride without it. He was trying to figure out how to get the endorsement without a bike to take the test on, and the salesman, who knew me quite well, said I might let him use my bike. The guy was Human and had his wife with him and they were very nice, he asked and offered to pay me for the inconvenience. The salesman said he knew the man and he did know how to ride so there was no risk to my bike. I wasn't in a hurry and the DMV is close to the dealership so I decided to help a fellow Human out and followed them over to the DMV. It took all of 25 minutes, he sailed through the written test and the driving course.

I returned to the dealership to finalize my accessory purchases and the couple continued their motorcycle shopping. Now, while we had the conversation previously there were others in the dealership, one being an ugly nigger buck. It was looking at crotch-rockets and when I returned it was arguing with several salesmen. Seemed it wanted to take one of the bikes out for a test ride and it didn't have its cycle endorsement either. They kept telling the stupid nigger that it was illegal for them to let it take a bike out without it. The nigger wouldn't accept that and was going on and on insisting, then noticed them rolling out a bike for the man I'd helped so he could test ride it. This nigger knew I'd let the Human use my bike to get his cycle endorsement and it made a HUGE assumption, and a mistake.

When the salesman told it for the umteenth time he couldn't let it take the bike for a test ride without its cycle endorsement the nigger yelled, "FINE! Den Iz jus use herrrr bike (pointing at ME) lik he dun (pointing at the man I helped) an git de 'docement an cum bak an tes ride de bike!". I turned to fully face the nigger buck. The nigger turned toward me with a look like it was daring me to say no. The salesmen looked like they knew I was going to blow because they know I don't like niggers. I glared at the nigger buck and asked coldly "excuse me?". The nigger demanded "yuse let him do it soz yuse lets me!". I replied "like hell!!!". Chimp out ensued.

The presumptions nigger started screaming about raciss and not fair and I let the other guy so I had to let it and discrimination and on and on and on. The salesmen were trying to get the feral creature under control but I had had more than enough. I raised my voice and said to this nigger, "I let him use my bike because I WANTED to! I do NOT want to let you use my bike! You are a rude bastard and your black ass is not going anywhere near my motorcycle, not now, not ever, so you might as well shut the fuck up!". The nigger started to open its mouth when the owner and five of the salesmen physically grabbed it and escorted the nigger out the door. It was screaming raciss the whole way LOL. They laughed after they tossed it out, totally amazed at the audacity of the nigger.

Me, I was fuming. Who did that worthless piece of shitskin think it was TELLING me I HAD to let it use MY bike! No nigger will ever TOUCH my motorcycle. I will not have nigger ass and muh dik stench on my seat nor nigger grease on my grips. NEVER!!! Damn nigger!

Coontact Tale #1,299 (03-15-2008)

Old School Chimpout, Denied!

Here's one from thirty years ago. I was eighteen and managing the night-shift at Taco Bell in Milpitas, California. This black guy comes in and I take his order. I turn around to help get his order prepared. Within thirty seconds I hear someone yell, "Hurry up!". I turn around to see another black guy standing next to the customer. Having dealt with hostile blacks throughout my teen years I am immediately sent into high-alert status.

I bring the customer his food and take his payment. As I try to give the customer his change the friend says, "give it to me". I hand it to the customer and this drives the friend into full chimp-out mode. He says, "count it out, white muthahfuckah". As I said, I've been subjected to this kind of behavior for years in junior and senior highschool and I've had my fill of it.

I ask him, " You want to take it out back?". He says, "yeah, come out here". It was one of those old Taco Bell's that had the outside dining area so I had to go out through the back door and run around the building to the front. On my way out, I find later on, one of the girls I work with told the guy I wouldn't fight him if I was you to which he replied, "I'm not going to fight him, I'm going to shoot him".

So, I make it out to the front of the building just in time to catch him heading for the parking lot. What happened next was kind of a blur, all I know is that he ended up on the ground back inside the patio with me on top of him with him in a headlock. I wrench on his head for a while then offer to let him up if he will leave. Instead of taking me up on the offer he tells his friend, "kick him in the head and get my gun out of the car".

Well I have to admit that kind of scared me. There was no way I was going to let him up now and I was in the bad situation of worrying that his friend would kick me in the head as I had my hands full at the time and was defenseless against another attacker.

Luckily for me, the other guy was one of those civilized blacks; like the ficticious ones you see made up for TV. Instead of doing as his friend asked he tried to persuade him to leave. At this point I tell one of my co-workers to call the police and I proceed to hold him there on the ground until they show up.

In the meantime, he manages to slip one of his hands up to my face and proceeds to try and gouge my eye out. I shut my eyes as tight as I could to prevent this. He then starts digging his fingernail into the skin on my face and gouging. As a result of this I need to reposition my hold on him and as I do so he manages to get back on his feet.

Unfortunately for him I still have him wrapped up and quickly take him down. His fall is broken by a concrete table and bench where he lands on his back on the way to the ground. I tie him up on the ground and the police show up.

I'm looking at the cops as they are walking up and they are laughing and one says, "I guess he got what he wanted". I let the guy go and as he stands up I see his face is pouring with blood and half-inch thick strands of bloody mucous are hanging from his nostrils.

The cops interview me and ask if I want to press charges. I tell them that I just wanted him to leave. After the interview I see, with great satifaction, that his head is wrapped with a blood-soaked white towel (courtesy of Taco Bell). I never see him again but find out from the district attorney that I was forced to see that I had broken two of his ribs (score!).

About six months later I found out he tried to sue Taco Bell but he got nowhere.

Funny side story: when the district attorney saw my face (it was loaded with fingernail gouge marks and the whites of my eyes were completely blood-red) he gave me grappling pointers on the floor of his office.

Anyway, I get a warm and fuzzy every time I think back to that time.


Coontact Tale #1,300 (03-15-2008)

A sheboon cashier at CVS has been overcharging me!

I go to this CVS after work all the time and 80% there is this sheboon cashier working there who knows me by name. She never had any TNB and is always friendly to me. I bought two cases of beer, chips, a magazine, and a bag of Easter candy. The total seemed kinda expensive but I've had high totals before so signed my credit card slip. I got the car and put all my stuff in my trunk and the receipt was in my hand so I decided to look at it because I was sure I was being way overcharged here. My total was $30! The nigger cashier ran the beer up 3 times instead of just for the two I bought!

I ran back in with my bag of beer and slammed them on the counter and demanded to see the manager. The sheboon didn't even look at me and seemed scared. The manager was a white guy luckily. He asked for my credit card to give me a refund. I told him "I think I've been overcharged here many times before too since the total is always so high!" He said that he sees me come in this time of day a lot and that the cashier I always have is "her" -pointing to the sheboon. I nodded and told him I would never be back here again and they lost themselves a customer. I looked at the sheboon and said "The inner chimp always comes out!" I heard the manager yelling at her so hopefully she got fired.

I got home and checked my receipts from there since I save all my credit card receipts. Sho nuff I found several other times where I was double charged for small things like a pack of gum or a soda. This nigger just got greedy and did an $7 pack of beer so I noticed! I feel so stupid for letting this nigger get the best of me all this time. She must have pocketed the extra money and been doing this to other humans. I don't know how to get back my $5 in over charges! Any advice?


Coontact Tale #1,301 (03-16-2008)

Coontact at Wal-Mart

The following tale is true, and disgusting even by Wal-Mart standards.
My girlfriend and I were doing our weekly grocery shopping at about 7:00 AM (we try to get there early to beat the boons). After paying, I stop in the bathroom to pee. I walked in and heard someone in the stall blasting mud. It was an awful, diarrhea sounding shit where the sound alone makes you feel sick. As I'm washing my hands, a 400 lb sheboon waddles out and says, "Sheet, ah be in da wrong room" and leaves without washing her hands.


Coontact Tale #1,302 (03-17-2008)

Niglet snow diving 1995

Back in '95 I was 18 and had a....penchant for marijuana. I haven't smoked it since I was 20, but this coontact was hilarious because it involved pot, niggers, a big ass snowbank and an electrical maintenance box. Stay with me here....

Earlier today I was with a friend who was giving me a ride home from work. We had to stop at an apartment complex because he needed to speak to his mother. As I was sitting in his car I was watching some niglets jumping up and down on a snowbank and acting like primates. It reminded me of a day in the winter of '95 when I was 18. Me and my sidekick were on the trail of the elusive dime-bag. We went to an apartment building to score. I sat in the car and waited and watched nigger kids screw around in the snow banks at the edge of the parking lot. We had just had a huge storm and the wind had blown the snow into drifts at least 10 feet high.

The nigger kids were throwing themselves head-first into the snowbanks like chocolate torpedoes. As I was stoned to the point of incoherance, I found this to be extremely fascinating. They did not dive in like Superman with their arms outstreched, they just sailed in head-first. I guess it amused them on some level. While my friend was inside, I watched this very amusing spectacle for at least 15 minutes. Unbeknownst to the niglets, the snow had drifted over one of those olive green electrical boxes that you see but never pay attention too. (They're about 3 feet tall and rectangular) As I was watching one little nigger dove into the snowbank at full speed. Instead of disappearing into the powder up the waist, he came to an abrupt halt at about mid-chest. I was only 10 feet away and heard a distinctive "thud".

He wasn't moving. His little nigger pals came over and pulled him out. The dumb ass had plowed face first into one of those electrical service boxes at full speed.... Buried just a foot into the snow bank. It may have been the pot, but I have never laughed so hard in my life. And I nearly pissed myself when his buddies thought he was faking and started shoving snow into his face and down his pants. He was clearly out cold- I could see a large purple knot on his forehead and a trickle of blood coming out of his nose.

My friend came back to the car and when he got in he asked me what the fuck was so funny. I couldn't explain it until after we left and it was 5 minutes later. Good times. Anyone else wish they could be 18 forever?



Coontact Tale #1,303 (03-17-2008)

The Rust Bucket

I have a coontact tale for you; this happened to me a couple of years ago.

Someone who lives in our area kept parking her rust bucket of a car directly in front of our next door neighbour's house for some reason. It was such an eyesore of a hulking bit of metal that I decided to try to deter the owner of it from parking there again.

I made up a large sign that read "FOR SALE: $25 OR BEST OFFER" and stuck it on the rear window of the rust bucket, using very sticky packing tape.

You wouldn't believe the stream of visitors, mainly black, our next door neighbour got after I did that. I don't like the woman who lives next door, anyway, so I laughed about the fact that she was being inconvenienced. One good thing about the neighbour is that she is an old Italian woman who absolutely loathes niggers.

But I digress...

Mr. Fife and I decided to have a couple of beers in the park next to our building; we do this on weekends a lot when it's nice out. A nigger fambly had just moved onto our street (sadly attracting more niggers to our area).
We rent, so we aren't as bothered about their presence as we would be if we were homeowners.

Sheboon spotted the "For Sale" sign on the rust bucket and then turned its head and spotted me and Mr. Fife supping our ale in the park. It tried to race over to to us, but it's so damned fat that it was a losing battle for it; at that weight, you just can't sprint.

Have you ever seen the wrestler who used to be on the WWE, Kamala? Sheboon was built just like him, I swear.

Of course, Kamala is better looking than the sheboon happens to be. *croak*

You ought to have seen it trying to haul its fat ass over to the picnic table we were sitting at -- I wish I'd had a video camera. I must get one of those cell phones just for nigger picture taking purposes.

Anyway, its eyes bulged out, and it was out of breath, of course, due the excess poundage it was carrying and due to its attempt to run.

It pointed at the car, eyes bulging and great maw gaping. "Dat-dat be fo' real?" it managed to sputter.

Maybe you had to be there, but Mr. F and I almost split a seam.

"Go and ask the lady at ___ (blank) street," I suggested.

Didn't the sheboon go waddling over there as quick as it could, too, to try to snap up that bargain before someone else did. God, it was funny.

Those apes will do just about anything to get something, even an old rust bucket, for next to nothing, won't they? It never ceases to amaze me.

Coontact Tale #1,304 (03-17-2008)

10 items or less, nigger

Here's one I'm sure many of you can relate to:

I'm in the 10-items-or-less line at the local grocery story. I'm behind a couple of old silverbacks and I notice that they have at least twenty packages of crabmeat and prime cuts of beef. Of course, this display of disregard for civility sets my blood aboil.

As a proper white man, I've burdened myself with a higher standard of conduct so instead of speaking up and creating a scene, I opt to seethe quietly. To relieve me of my thoughts of a Gorillas In The Mist-style mass murder I joke to myself, "boy, welfare must be paying pretty well these days". As a life-long working man I have never allowed myself to indulge in such delicacies; I feel I'm living high on the hog with the canned tuna I'm purchasing.

Of course you know how this ends. When it's time for them to pay...wait for it...wait for it....out come the foodstamps. Did you expect anything else?

To add insult to injury, as I leave the store I see them driving out of the parking lot in a top-oh-dee-line, pimped out, late-model van. PERFECT!!!!!!

It's times like that that I take solace in the fact that I wasn't born a nigger. That never ceases to bring a smile to my face.

a reader replies:

I get to see it everyday. Niggers buying expen$ive cuts of meat and poor struggling folks having to do without. Niggers loading their ill gotten game into expen$ive cars while stuggling folks (who are paying for niggers) trying to get by with some pile of crap cause they can't afford anything better.

Coontact Tale #1,305 (03-17-2008)

Human Instincts Take Over Liberal Protocol - Go Figure; A Nigger's Involved

I live down the street from this lesbian couple. Yeah, they're liberal types - of course - but I don't care. They've got the best yard on the street, they're both very nice, they both work hard and always manage to have unknown types of beer that they're always offering to neighbors whenever they have a get together.

Sometimes we've spoken things about various issues - music, politics, movies, so on and so forth - and obviously they're a lot more liberal than I could ever be.

I'll get to the nigger part here in a second. This isn't political in and of itself.

I get home from work last Friday evening and I see this rather large white car pull into the lesbians' driveway - due to our small neighborhood, we all notice and unknown car in a hot second and this was definietly an unknown car.

Lo and behold, two cop cruisers follow behind it and roll into the same driveway. Me being the somewhat nosey person I am, I go into the house, up to my top floor and see what all the hub-bub is.

Out of the white car pops a half breed/halfrican/light nigger boon. The two lesbians that live at the house were outside within a flash to speak to the police. "Interesting", I thought.

After a few minutes of one of the lesbians talking with the two policeman and the other watching the nigger like a zookeeper (haha), the two cruisers pull out of the driveway, the nigger gets into it's big nogmobile and pulls out as well.

It turns out that this halfrican from Pissburgh had moved with one of those super religious adoptive families outside of town and it had taken interest in a daughter of the lesbian couple. Yes, the lesbians have two teenage daughters where one of them was married before she "found herself" know the drill. (haha)

What happened was, the daughter, while at school, was having trouble with this nigger continually making muh diiik references to her to where she finally got fed up and kicked the nigger in it's monkey nuts, dropping the spook like a ton of bricks.

The nigger ended up following the girl home a day later and because it didn't see any other cars parked in the driveway on Friday - the cars belonging to the lesbians were in the garage - and the spook figured it was going to probably do something to the white girl because she didn't get all hot and bothered from the nigger's muh diiik advances. Nigger bucks will undoubtedly go into chimp-out mode if a female doesn't adhere to their muh diiik efforts, especially when it's nigger balls have been literally crushed by a Chuck Taylor shoe.

While one of the girl's lesbian "mothers" was telling me all of this a few hours later, she goes, "I hope you don't think badly of me by saying this...but b'lack kids, especially boys, are no good and this is an example of it".

"Oh, I understand completely. It's a realistic view, not a negative point of view. They'll do anything if their sexual advances aren't fulfilled. Absolutely", I replied and being actually surprised that this woman didn't say anything liberal-esque about the "poor nigger". just goes to show. No matter what humans choose to engage in with their personal lives, instincts remain intact that the nigger is nothing more than a sexually charged aggressive wild animals that must be kept at a distance or an unprecedented amount of trouble will follow.

The part I love is about the two cops noticing the car and the boon behind the wheel knowing the boon didn't belong around here, followed it and told it to get lost.

Coontact Tale #1,306 (03-18-2008)

My Son Was So Lucky

My son was coming out of Food Lion and here comes a small nigger
adult with a giant baboon friend with him. He is mumbling lowly and
bitching about his watermelon. I's tak'n this WaddyMelon back.This
bez a low class waddymelon.Muddafucka budder Gibs me a nutterin
too,or I's whips me sum ass.

Anyhow my son was still laughing an hour later.He is 27 years old and
shared the Coontact with me....

Coontact Tale #1,307 (03-18-2008)

Top o' da table fo yuh, laddie!

After work my buddies and I decided to go to the Bennigans near here for a St. Patrick's celebration. The place was packed even though it was only about 5 pm! We had to wait for a table and after ten minutes a big group left so we were seated in the bar area.

A gaggle of groids pushed through the door and were seated ASAP at this table close by us where the two quiet human couples had just left. I saw other whites by the door that frowned when they saw the four niggers get seated because the table had four seats..and they are niggers. My buddy poked me in the ribs hard and started laughing himself shitless. I looked and one of the nigger bucks had green glitter shamrock bouncy antennas on its brillo head. The look on this nigger's face was the stern emotionless gaze yet it had these things on its head bouncing away merrily.

There was an obese sheboon with them that had tight green spandex and a green tye dye shirt. Of course with the boon was a baby niglet in a carrier that was making chimping sounds. There was three bucks with the boon so we all wondered who bee'd da baby daddy. Probably none of them.

We all ordered drinks and were talking about work and my friend's recent engagement. I guess after drinking so much we got rather loud so the niggers were shooting us evil IHYT (i hate YT) stares. Usually this situation is in reverse!! lol! We all noticed them looking at us so we got even louder and my friend cracked his obnoxious work laugh. On cue the niglet began screaming bloody murder so we heard a buck say "Dey bee an tow loud. Uh Uh ooka ooka!"

The sheboon then placed napkins on the table and then set the baby down. My friend goes "OMG.. I hope she isn't going to do..what I think she going to do..." and sho nuff the sheboon put the baby on the table and started changing its diaper!! I thought the waitress saw but didn't say anything, just walked away. The smell was so bad... I nearly threw up.

My buddy went over to get the waitress and demanded we be given another table. We all explained when she came over that this sheboon was being unsanitary with the diaper changing on the table. She went over to the niggers who had finished this disgusting display and asked if they changed the diaper. The buck said "No'm. Dey beez tellin stowrays bout us. Dey been so loud we caynt hardly e're oursuvs!"

We all couldn't believe what we were hearing. The stench of shit was still in the air yet this nigger was denying it! The waitress said "Sorry to bother you. It must have been a mistake" and left. We were all in shock! I couldn't stand this anymore so said to the niggers "Damn filthy lying beasts!" and my buddy said "That's right. You all are shit, niggers!" The niggers didn't do anything but look at us in shock. We all left after laying enough money down for the drinks of course. I hope the niggers didn't steal the money but I bet they did.

I never had a more awful coontact than this. I feel disgusted!!

Coontact Tale #1,308 (03-18-2008)One of my hospital coontacts

One of my hospital coontacts

So, back in November when this all started with the little one, (unable to keep food down at all) we go to the hospital. We're met by a bunch of human nurses, who were fantastic. Well, they tell me the doctor will be in shortly. My luck, this goddamned mudmeat groid in a white coat comes in. Hi, I'm Dr. so and so. I'm thinking, oh shit, here we go!

So this nigger asks me what exactly is going on, and I explain it in the most simplistic terms I can, so it's primitive mind might possibly grasp that which I am saying. Yeah, right. Stupid bastard had no clue what I was saying. I might as well have been speaking to it in Chinese. I tolerated about 5 minutes of this, which is 4 more than I would usually do, but I was in a bad situation. Finally, after saying the same thing THREE TIMES, I look at it and say I believe you need to get your supervisor in here.

Thank God, the ER Supervisor is a HIGHLY competent human Doctor who I have known for probably 20 years. He walks in, kicks the nigger out, and he takes over. Finally, things got rolling. I explained to him what was going on, he totally understood me, and we got things moving. I asked him why the hell the janitor was wearing a white coat. He got quite a kick out of that.

Since we had to deal with this stuff for over 3 months, I have other stories to tell, but this one is all I have time for right now. I figured I would share the beginning of it. Why oh why must they allow niggers to be doctors? It absolutely amazes me.

Tom Shelly responds:

You handled the situation perfectly. Had you immediately rejected the nigger doctor upon seeing him, he would have chimped out yelling racism. But you asked him a few questions and interacted with him a bit before asking for a new doctor. That way you could just say that the guy is a dumbshit and that's the reason why you don't want him.

That's what I do when confronted with a nigger doctor, dentist, mechanic, or any other service.

Coontact Tale #1,309 (03-19-2008)

Lawdy, Lawdy, Lawdy!

Once I was doing real crappy in a class, and it wasn't a real hard course or anything, and the professor knew me from another class I had with him. I liked the guy because he was funny as hell and I used to go to his office all the time, and he knew me pretty well. So anyway, I go in there and whine a little bit because I wasn't doing so great in the class, and he got up, closed the door, went to his desk and sat down and faced me and said :"How many African Americans (he said it sarcastically) are this class?" I said there were a few, and he said "Why are they all doing better than you?"
BAM, I was cold busted for screwing off! I was like "Dang Doc, why you do me like dat? I ain't tryin da hee dat, nah!" He busted out laughing and told me get the fuck out there and go study. My grades improved dramatically at that point.

Coontact Tale #1,310 (03-20-2008)

Sheboon Bus Driver goes Apeshit!

This happened to me yesterday...I was on a city bus on my way home from work. I was half asleep with my ipod on. I felt the bus pulling to the curb at one of the many stops along the way home. Suddenly I hear a sheboon shreik "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ME?". I realized this foul mouthed tirade was coming from none other than the morbidly obese (arent they all) sheboon driver. Apparantly one of the city workers who stands at the bus stops checking the schedules had said something to her when she pulled to the stop. I don't know what he said to her, but boy did it send her into a monkey tirade. She got up out of the drivers seat and was ranting and raving "YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH? HOW DARE YOUS SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY!! YOUS DISREPEKFUL!". So the guy threatened to take her bus out of service and she started screaming "FINE! YOU DO THAT BITCH FUCK YOU!". So everybody had to get off the bus and transfer onto another bus. Meanwhile she's screaming and cursing there are small children in the front of the bus with their mother. How terrible these little kids have to witness this. The funniest part is when I was getting off the bus this stupid ape was huffing and puffing and some elderly ape woman comes up to her is like "CHILLLLLLLD YOU WERE RIGHT!". I just rolled my eyes.

Typical huh?

Coontact Tale #1,311 (03-20-2008)

The Ferry

Another of my earlier coontacts was about 20 years ago. I was on a ferry travelling from England to Belgium. As we got there we all got up, and formed a queue to disembark.

An attractive young woman came close by. She was followed by a nigger. The nigger could not keep its eyes off her. It just stood there staring at her. The nigger was almost dribbling. When the young woman turned around to face it, it broke out in this huge smile, which ceased the moment she turned her back on it.

Several of us including the young woman were embarrassed about its behaviour, but of course it was just normal behaviour for a nigger.

I had the impression that perhaps the wog had been pestering her throughout the journey. I was sure it was already aware that she had no male travelling companion. I dont think even a nigger would behave like that if she had her boyfriend with her. On and on the staring continued.

For her sake, I did not let her out of my sight, staying close with her. I was ready to strike up a conversation if it looked as if she needed some support.

She soldiered on. After we went through the customs area, we entered an area where she met a guy, I presume her boyfriend. Her relief was palpable.

That's where we parted. She shot me a little smile, then went her way with her boyfriend. That was nice. She had noticed my efforts.

Coontact Tale #1,312 (03-07-2008)

coming soon !

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Coontact Tale #1,313 (03-07-2008)


Coontact Tale #1,314 (03-07-2008)


Coontact Tale #1,315 (03-08-2008)


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