Niggers are retarded. Yes, they are!

Chapter XXIII | Coontact XXV | Coontact Menu

Coontact Tale #1,099 (01-09-2008)

De Medicine Run Out

I used to be an optician, and sadly I sometimes had to provide glasses for niggers (one of the main reasons I'm no longer an optician).
On numerous occasions, a nigger would come in and complain that "De medicine's run out of dese glasses" (since they couldn't understand that one's vision changes over time and usually not for the better).
In these cases, we'd take the frame to the back to make the lenses and when we sold the creature their new specs we'd say "Here, we put more medicine in them. Come see us again when it runs out."
Looking back, I should have told them to wear the glasses upside-down so the medicine wouldn't run out, but oh well.
By the way, if anyone out there is considering a career as an optician, keep in mind that you have to touch filthy nigger heads to fit glasses--and frankly the pay just isn't enough for that kind of trauma.

Coontact Tale #1,100 (01-09-2008)

Recent Mcnigger coontact

A few weeks ago while on leave before headquarters put me on double shift, me, my wife, and daughters got a wild hair one day and decided we would visit North Carolina. In my mind I had assumed a state so proud of its no-nigger-nonsense heritage would be an ideal vacation and a good place to search for retirement in the future... I was severely mistaken, and will never make the same error again.

After arriving in Charlotte at Douglass International we arranged for a car rental. First I will say I do not eat airplane food it makes me ill just smelling it. I made the endeavor to try to eat it before and my digestive system didn't forgive me for quite some time. Anyway, I was feelin quite hungry after the several hour flight and decided we would stop at Mcdonalds (there are hardly any niggers in Hawaii so I assumed it would be nigger free here too). As I walked in it was fortunately Mexican humans for the most part. After walking in I ask everyone what they want and get into the shortest line. As I'm standing in line a 6'5 nigger buck, his white nigger loving whore and their nasty looking children walk behind my family. Naturally I become uneasy but decide to hold my ground thinking his whore would keep him in line seeing as she was apparently holding the ape's leash, and him and his two niglets were a very small ratio compared to humans there. Not long I order our food and step aside to make way for the nigs and the brunette welfare mammy (who dressed like a whore unsurprisingly). As I'm standing there the nigger buck finishes ordering after much pain to my ears hearing him butcher the English language. Anyway our order took quite a bit more time to process, because nobody in my family likes condiments or pickles, and it was busy hour, consequently they get their order first. This is where the chimpout begins and things went nasty from here on out.

As the Adams Family gets their food the nigger buck started getting very uppity and the children were running around like they were still in the jungle. He started shouting at the service worker saying something like "you speak english, where da large fries at messican?" Calmly, and in a very clear American accent she says you ordered the regular double quarter pounder meal or something like that. The regular meal doesnt come with large fries. "If you'd like me to fix it sir I can." At that instant the nigger buck picks the fries up and spills the fries across the counter right where she was standing then leaves the store while shouting for his niglets. This amazed and slightly upset me. It amazed me to think these niggers are called apes, but even apes wouldnt treat someone who was serving you your food in such a manner. I looked at that poor woman as she was calling for a broom and soon after thought what in the hell has this proud part of the country become? Had this been in Hawaii I would have excercised my legal off-duty authority and made the nigger buck apologize and clean it up. But I decided to excercise discretion seeing as how I was quite far from my jurisdiction, with family, and on vacation. It still tugs at my consciense though as I did nothing, but overall the trip made me and my wife rethink our retirement plans.

Coontact Tale #1,101 (01-10-2008)

Never do Bidness wif Niggers

So this bitch nigger calls from a flooring company and wants to know if I can make her a cabinet drawer to replace one they fucked up on one of their jobs. Like an idiot, I break niggermaniac small businessman rule no. 1 (never do business with niggers) and tell it that I will make the drawer.

So, I did what it asked and called to inform them that I was done and that the charge will be 65 dollars.

Today, they sent one of their bucks to my shop to pick up the drawer but it had no money. It said "You be needin to call Shaaannnneeequa at de orfice so she can gieve you duh credit card number n shit." I call Shaaannneeequa and the conversation went something like this:

me: I don't take credit cards
it: Wachoo mean you aint beez takin credit cards
me: I mean I don't take credit cards.
it: Well, jis gib de drawer to Kunte n I'll send you a check in da mornin.
me: For jobs this small, I only take cash.
it: Well, jis gib de drawer to Kunte n he cin bring you da cash in da mornin.
me: No! When I have cash in my hand then you can have the drawer.
it: Look here, we gotsta hab de drawer to finish de job n this and that n nigglerbabble niggerbabble niggerbabble.
me: Click

Kunte gets a cell phone call and leaves without the drawer. I have no idea if I will ever see or hear from them again.

Folks, this episode is my fault pure and simple. I accept full responsibility for getting screwed because I know better but I just did not do better. So, learn a lesson from my experience ---


Coontact Tale #1,102 (01-11-2008)

TNB at the gas station

well, today i had to fill the tank of the bird-mobile, so i pulled in to a local gas station. i paid with a credit card, so i didn't have to go inside. since gas prices are high, most stations require to "prepay" for cash paying customers, and this little fact presented itself in another way.
as i started to fill up, a mid-90's buick pulled up to the pump next to mine, and out came a skinny, 150 lb. buck, who immediately walked over towards me, and started babbling
buck--scuse me, scuse me...sur sur
buck--uh beez in uh hurrie...coold yoos doo mee a fava'?
buck--coold yoo go inn too tell da man too turrn onn pump 4??
bird--why? so you can steal gasoline, and blame it on whitey if you get caught?
buck--naw naw...i juss bee in uh hurrie!!
bird--if you were in a hurry, you wouldn't be talking too me, so get away from me before i call the police!!

when i said "police", it's eyes got real big and yellow, and the dumb coon got in it's piece of shit hooptie, and drove off rather quickly.
it just amazes me to think that niggers actually believe they can get away with this kind of shit.....amazing!

Coontact Tale #1,103 (01-11-2008)

minor coontact at IHOP

i experienced some minor coontact at IHOP last night that was actually pretty funny.
i placed my takeout order, and i sat down in one of the booths waiting for my food. in the booth next to me was one of the sheboon waitresses and one of the cooks taking a break. thier conversation went like this.
cook: "i think youz on drugs"
waitress: "i aint on no drugs, i can take a drug test right now and i be passin that sheeit. you shouldve seen me when i was on CRACK!"
so after that amusing experience, i walk up to the counter to pick up my food, to the other sheboon waitress who was having a conversation with one of her other co-workers, who i heard saying "i beez an opressed black woman. iz a single mother to 2 keuds from 2 deadbeat babydaddyz."
sheesh, with niggers, its always the same old story.

Coontact Tale #1,104 (01-11-2008)

I have millions of stories of coontact in the military but they are all pretty much summed up in one paragraph.

Nigger don't know how to follow directions so BT was pretty much one big disciplinary action for the entire company. Niggers would leave everything messy, turn left when told to turn right, whine on road marches, take too long to eat/drink/shit/shower/shave, steal A LOT, talk when not supposed to, didn't care to learn any form of chain of command or anything else in the handbook, wouldn't shine their boots (imagine that), hardly ever washed themselves, wouldn't wake up on time and just generally fucked up. All of these things mentioned resulted in disciplinary action from the DI.

I spent countless hours rolling in sawdust (a favored form of torture from the DI), and doing extra chores.

On top of all of this my BB or battle buddy (given alphabetically) was a nigger. This means not only did I have to share a bunk with it but I also got in trouble for it's fuck ups. I finally got a new battle buddy because my pet nigger gave me fucking Scabies So I requested to have a new one. It's feet smelled up the entire barracks! I am not exaggerating one bit either, everyone hated that nigger.

Thankfully My basic training was all male (I was told we were the last group not to be coed) so the drill instructors could swear all they wanted and could actually hit us if they used restraint. This caused most of the niggers to be afraid of the DI and I am sure prevented a lot of the TNB associated with niggers.

Coontact Tale #1,105 (01-11-2008)

An Coontact Story of Mine

Some years ago, right after apeboy Rodney King got his ass beat by the LAPD, I remember driving through Pomona, CA. (about 35 miles east of LA) my car got a flat tire. I pulled over in a gas station in this coontown and started to change my tire on my car. As I went to change my tire, this nigger comes up to me and tells me, "White boy lets me change thats tire and you can give me $20." I told the fucken ape, "No thank you I can do it myself" Then suddenly the nigger chimped out because it didnt get its way. I grabbed my tire iron and told the ape, "Nigger leave me alone or I am gonna Rodney King your ass." I saw the fear in the animals' eyes as it backed off saying "Yous a fucken crazy muddafucka it kool it kool" The nigger ran off and I resumed changing my tire as quickly as possible in case a herd of apes came back. I left and still wonder who else that night that nigger tried to imtimidate for money. I honestly feel the cops that beat Rodney King should have been given medals. In fact, cops that patrol in negroid neighborhoods should get double pay as they have two jobs. One job as law enforcement and a second as zoo keepers. Just my two cents!

Coontact Tale #1,106 (01-12-2008)

Niggers leaving used diapers outside...

Has anyone else seen this shit? As of this morning I'm officially shopping only at Whole Foods or the upscale grocery store. I watched in the parking lot as this sheboon changed her niglets diaper then left it in the shopping cart as they drove away. And this isn't the first time I've seen it. When I was in high school I worked at a local grocery store and saw it all the time. That and they bring bags full of trash and bottles, open them in the store and return the bottles for $ while leaving the trash in the cart and falling out on the floor.

But leaving a diaper filled with shit and piss lying out in public? What fucking animals. My cats can use a litter box for fucks sake. But I guess my cats are higher up on the evolutionary chart than niggers.

To which 'Tiredofthem' replies:

A couple of years back, before my truck had a topper, I was in nig-mart one day, & came out to find 3 diapers in the bed. Looked next to my truck, & what is parked right there but a hooptie, lime green, with bling.
Well I look inside, & see a child seat (yes I was shocked too)
Lo & behold, kid left the rear window down about 4 inches, so being the environmentally conscience person that I am (at times) I disposed of said diapers properly (through the open hooptie window).
And while I was at it, I figured what better time than the present to dispose of that trash that had been accumulating in my truck. Also emptied both ashtrays that I had been neglecting for some time.
While filled with the cleaning spirit I picked up the trash in the immediate area of my parking slot as well (various fast food papers, soda bottles, & about 10 empty or near empty beer bottles.) Try explaining that to the nice police officer when they got an anonymous phone call from the pay phone outside of nig-mart about the open container & child seat in said hooptie.

Coontact Tale #1,107 (01-12-2008)

Not written by me:

It's a nice sunny day today while I'm walking along the sidewalk doing my usual daily errands in this lovely city as I do many a fine fucking day. And what do you know? Like poop-fairies, three fat black baboon bitches magically appear. They waddle along like there's no tomorrow, hogging up the entire freaking walking space in both goddamned directions with their stupid simian blubber asses. This has become quite a common occurrence. Again I must face another brown ape roadblock from the African turds of the sidewalk, who think they are entitled to be stupid by virtue that they are black and dumb beyond all hope and reason. These cretinous brown blobs are worthless beyond belief! Why? Why are they here? Hey, didn't you know? Dummies of the earth need to get special treatment for being ugly. Yeah. Yeah, that's why they're here. It all makes fantastic magical sense now. Now I understand everything. As tempted as I am to lay down over a puddle for these ethereal bags of gelatinous joy...for these woolly-mammoth Queen Latifahs of farts...surprisingly, I decline.

The three fat baboon bitches walk as slow as possible, like three steaming hot constipated shits, eating their corn chips and howling some unintelligible rap songs in their smelly ape language, ending with an all-encompassing affirmation of their negritude: "Know whut ahm sayin'?" They act like this whole raped world is their own personal Oprah Zoo Show audience and they're the upside-down-world geniuses of the entire universe. Surely, these stinky Mongoloid creatures expect whoops and applause for whatever babbling diarrhea spurts forth from their slobbering bubble lips. But no, I don't know what you're saying and nobody else on earth cares, either, you elephant piles of shit.

Being the kindly and peace-loving gentleman that I am (I'm not lying, I really am!), I give them the most undeserved politeness imaginable and say, "Excuse me, please."

One especially fat orangutan whore wearing a moronic hairdo that is her sole achievement designating how smart she is turns around defiantly as if I've greatly offended her entire slave race and shouts quite cruelly with a scowl upon her grotesque chimp mug, "Yeah, 'scuse you!" Then she mutters some other charming pleasantry under her foul corn-chip ape breath and cackles like the retarded animal she is. She then proceeds to high-five her obese sistahs as if she's given the correct answer on a ghetto game show. Which I guess she has. I can't help but wonder what synapses in the brain have been fried like so much KFC from years of baboon degeneration through eons of mindless fucking of the Negroid species. What combination of errors has created the idiot monkey monstrosity of these three hobbling lumps of gorilla garbage?

And still they do not move. They expect me to trail behind them as their prize white male dork to show off to their invisible audience that cares about everything they do and how great they are simply by being alive and able to eat corn chips. As far as I can tell from their hefty countenances, it may very well be a great achievement for them to simply be alive and not have caved in under all that oily, scum-encrusted flab. Still sadder is it that they would also regard my trailing them in some manner of warped public servitude as an achievement. Fascinated as I am by how the black brain might possibly function in this or any capacity, I cannot give these primitive, poop-skinned primates the satisfaction. I brace myself for the fact that the weight of the monkey cluster might be difficult to move through, and thusly I force myself roughly through the gigantic brown female mountains. Of course, this means touching them. Not only touching them, but I must push them like a linebacker moving downfield. Doing this brings about the expected gasps of shock from the fat black baboon bitches.

Similar situations have happened so many times before that I think someone ought to invent a pocket-sized device that converts into a whirling helicopter blade, like a giant weed whacker, for clearing out fat baboon bitches on the sidewalk. I figure I could take it out because I should use it. I wouldn't want to kill anybody. Mercy me, no! I would just want to show them the millions of errors of their stupid black ways. It might be kind of fun chopping off the Negresses’ over-plump legs in public and hearing them scream, "Oh gawd! Oh gawd!" over and over in pain. I suppose they would be referring to some jungle voodoo god in Africa. What else could it be?

Well, I guess in the future, they'll be hogging up the streamlined thoroughfares with their air-propelled hover-chairs, since they'll be cripples floating around in Jabba-the-Hut-sized toilets birthing their poop babies and being stupid and fat and black, because that's what they are.

Coontact Tale #1,108 (01-12-2008)

I often drive in New York City for various reasons. The niggers there are horrible, HORRIBLE drivers. Every 10 seconds or so, they do something retarded, inconsiderate or just plain insane.

But lately, there is something new. For some reason, they like to stop, in the middle of the street, for no particular reason whatsoever. Now, double parking, gypsy cabs and niggers on cell phones is quite common behavior in the city. But this is different. They're not parked and not doing anything. If you pull up along side them and take a peek at what they are doing, they are just staring straight ahead, with their hands on the wheel (receiving instructions from aliens on the mother ship?). After a minute or so, they start driving again.

First time I saw it, I was like, that's weird. But it's happening over and over and over again. Only black people doing it.

It's got to be some new drug or something.

Coontact Tale #1,109 (01-12-2008)

Brillo pads and niggers

About two weeks ago I was in a small convenience store in downtown LA. I used to go to this store at least four or five times a week because it was right next to my apartment buliding. Every so often a homeless nigger would come in and buy a brillo pad. (they kept them behind the counter so the coons aren't able to steal them). I was in the back of the store getting a snapple when the sound of a chimp out got my attention. Apparently the store has uped the price of brillo pads to 1.25 form 1.00. Normally I would have stayed in the back of the store and let the monkey tire its self out and walk away before I paid for my snapple but I was in a hurry. Not wanting to smell the niggers offensive odor I took a deep breath and headed for the counter. when I got there I interrupted the nigger with "pardon me miss could I get a pack of marlboro lights too". This caused the all ready mad monkey to chimp out even more, he said something to me like "Wait yo turn I be tryin to buy somethin" So I said to the nigger "you've been here for like two minutes its sounds to me like your trynig to hustle her for 25 five cents". Maaaaan mind yo own biz-nas mother f**ker. At this point the store clerk hands me my change I thank her and say to the nigger "why dont you get a job" and walk out. As im standing in front of the store i hear the nigger trying to count his change ok ive got 97 cents ill bring you 15 cents the next time im in here (dumb nigger cant count it should be 28 cents). What do niggers do with brillo pads anyways? I used to think it was for washing there hair then i realized that niggers don't shower.

Coontact Tale #1,110 (01-12-2008)

Nigger family car trouble

I work at a car dealership as a mechanic. My shop is in a small Wisconsin town so yard apes don't come around often.

I came into work a few weeks ago and two buck niggers were jabbering and making hand signs up by the parts counter. A fat sow and three young niglets were running free in the shop. Their piece of shit Dodge Caravan was sitting in the service drive with the right front tire completely in shreds. It had obviously been driven on the rim for some time.

The van had trash packed to the roof in the back, probably the reason they didn't carry a spare - no room for it. So the oil-change kid got stuck putting a new tire on the nigger-van, while the chimps hung around. The whole shop started to stink.

When they went to pay their bill the card got declined, and there was a scene. Mutha-fuck this and that.... One of the bucks finally came up with 100 dollars in small bills and they got the hell out of there.

Made me appreciate the relatively nigger-free town I live in.

Coontact Tale #1,111 (01-13-2008)

Monkey Paws and Brains.

A few years back, I had a model train layout in my garage. When it got hot, I'd roll the door up whenever I worked on it. Well, there was this little nigglet that would come around and make a pest of itself. I had been working for several hours on a model rock slide. I got it just right. It was beautiful and realistic. Well, this little monkey grabbed at it and destroyed it. Needles to say, I wasn't too happy. From then on, In spite of the heat, I kept the door down. The little pest would babble about the KKK every time it came around. It would grab and handle everything in reach. Finally, it just disappeared from the neighborhood and things went back to normal. From then on I noticed that niggers just can't keep their paws off of anything! They just have to touch it, no matter what, even if it kills them! I also noticed that when their brains are not tuned into TNB, their heads are filled with "KKK" this and "KKK" that. Even the youngest nigglet!!!

To which 'Rex Kramer' replies:

Most human children get into that whole "MINE!" phase when they are 3 years old, and then by the time they are 5, they understand the more subtle distinction of "what's mine is mine, what's yours is yours". Niggers do not comprehend this at all. It's like teaching an ape to speak english. Yes, they can learn sign language, but they simply are not equipped to produce speech.

Coontact Tale #1,112 (01-12-2008)

I used to work in Nottingham ten-fifteen years ago and it was a good place to work and I even looked into living there for a while as the niggers were minimal.

You may remember Central TV? I was first an assistant producer, then a producer and part time continuity announcer, you know the guy who would say: "Now on Central, at 7.30, it's Coronation Street."

When Central was brought by Carlton they replaced the continuity announcing with pre-recorded feeds, the majority of which seemed to be done by niggers with a somewhat less than tenuous grab of spoken English:

"Dis be Cardon Eee Vee. Nex prograaam iz Dis Mawnin wid Reechaard n Joody"

Usually followed by: "Nex be dat queen of tork, Trisha on Cardon"

We had to "re-record" so many of the programmed announcements it was not funny. All was well for about nine months when we were audited by Carlton - who sent a bus of Chimps to Nottingham and Birmingham to assess the running of a TV station now starved of money, yet huge into making programmes for minorities and wanting "morz of da diversitty on Eye Eee Dee or Cardon as it now be noown az."

So the "untrained chimp voice overs" were reinstated and we realized a once great TV station which started back in the 1950's with ATV was now just another niggerfuxated, divershitty obsessed corporate slag heap of zero talent and wasters, slowly destroying the place.

I went there again last year and the place may as well be razed...


I was in the gallery (Where the Director sits) for this chimp-out. I can't tell you how restrained and professional John Stapleton was in this case.

Coontact Tale #1,113 (01-12-2008)

The second hand coontact tales I've heard from humans working at buffets during their high school and college years is enough to possibly write a 200 page book, at least.

The Sunday Best/Supercharged Church niggers are by far the worst.

Niggers screeching to Chayzuss, ooking how "I'ze don't feel so good; diss foo' make me sick"...niggers spitting, screeching, pissing, shitting and - this one seems to be never written about - niggers puking. When a nigger pukes at a restaurant, that's usually their last resort to a free meal when "I don't feel so good from diss foo" (GIMME DISS MEAL FOE FREE) doesn't cut it with management.


Coontact Tale #1,114 (01-12-2008)

My department hires the first token nigger I've seen and it gets me in trouble

This happened a couple of weeks ago. Recenty headquarters thought it would be cute to hire a token nigger for the department to satisfy affirmative apetion. I guess even Hawaii isn't too far out of reach for the National Association of Apes Called People. Since I started here it's been made up of primarily orientals, some white humans, and a few hispanics and polynesians - no more. I'm so glad I have a partner already so I won't get assigned with this nig. It's still a rookie, but me, being a niggermaniac, thought it would be best to avoid coontact with it. It's a sheboon too, so I don't want it trying to get it's filthy paws or nigger stink all over me. I avoided all coontact but tried not to act so "hateful" towards it. My career is the only current income. Anyway after a few days I had to book someone and fill out the paperwork. Afterwards I went out back for a quick smoke before going back out to patrol. We're not supposed to but this sheboon was getting on my last nerve with her loudmouth talking about her chirren. She comes out and I quickly extinguish the cig. She's like "we coo we coo." "Ya got a girlfriend cutie?" I was immediately sickened and offended but held my composure. I told her one, I'm married. Secondly, I don't think that's an appropriate question to ask either your superior or a co-worker. I walk back in before she could say anything but I could hear the niggerbabble. I then walk back in and she comes in after me yelling "he be smokin in dee back." I held my tounge and resisted the urge to call her a fat-lipped bigmouth sheboon. I just grinned and bore it but I did end up in the chief's office and managed to get off with just a warning due to my good track record (and I have to quit smoking, we're not allowed to). I didn't try to make excuses or explain what that thing did, I just apologized. I should of told the chief what she asked of me though. I can't stand D.A.F.N.

Coontact Tale #1,115 (01-12-2008)

Budding Niggermaniac - I Think The Wife Is Ready

In recent months, I think I've helped transform my wife into a budding niggermaniac.

Before she was raised by an all white area, told by everyone that the lesser fortunate should be taken care of by those who have more...bla bla bla. As I've stated before - we both grew up a few miles from one another who had that constant shit crammed down our throats about how oppressed the poor niggers are. The difference between us in regards to coontact is that I ventured out far from our safe havens a lot sooner than she did. But now, her work has her venturing out and she's now running into more and more coontact.

I'd see a nigger standing in the road or doing it's usual nigger bullshit...shucking, jiving, bothering humans, plotting, oooking, screeing and all that stuff...and I'd mutter, "Damned niggers". She would say, "Okay, okay. Let's not have a cow"

I'd passively let it go and figure it was simply due to her environment. No need to turn it into an issue. After all, we're all mostly products of our environments and only a nigger can make a human a racist.

But, after being on her job for the past year, she's finally getting her fill of coontact. Niggers screwing things up. Niggers bitching about discrimination. Niggers in city traffic. Niggers standing in the road. Nigger bucks trying to kiss her ass. She's learned to ignore nigger bucks trying to make conversation because when a female replies to a nigger trying to make social conversation even in a "Yes or no" fashion, the spook will follow the woman around and keep oooking - basically, plotting for you know what.

We were out yesterday and went to the city to get an electric snake. Yep, our sewer clogged up due to tree roots. Whew, boy - the basement smelled like you wouldn't believe. That meant I had to get my ass up to the tool rental and get me an electric snake. I'll be damned if I'm going to call up Dumb & Dumber to come out, be assholes and do a half ass job for some ungodly fee. Rather bite the bullet and get myself TRULY dirty.

We get up to the tool rental and there's four humans working behind the counter. This nigger comes in with a floor sander with a busted power cord. Dumb spook didn't know when you turn it on that you have to give the sander the grip of death on it's handles or it will throw your ass into the wall. What happened was, the nigger turned it on, got throw by the handles and the whole thing spun; wrapping the cord around it and snapping it. Of course, to the nigger, that meant the tool was busted. Or, it was just doing it's usual nigger bullshit about how it wants it's money back after using something.

I picked up the snake I had on reserve, signed the forms and left. Floor Sander Nigger was still in the place ooking at the employees about how it's not going to pay for it with a snapped cord while one of the employees told it that it was going to pay for the new cord, obviously setting the stage for human versus retarded animal gridlock.

The wife goes, much to my surprise, "Nogs are always breaking things and then acting like they never did it or that it's someone else's fault".

My reply was, "Oh yeah. That's one of their inner monkey mechanisms. They don't want to pay for anything, but you'd better hop to it if they want something"

We took the snake back home, got it out, plugged into the outlet outside, I put my shitty (no pun intended) clothes on and proceeded to snake the entry pipe in the side yard to clean out the roots in the drain pipe. I must have been out there a good hour running that heavy assed thing, spinning it, pulling out roots and aiming a Maglite down it to see if any water was finally flowing through. After I pulled out one big serious hunk of roots, we heard the water gurgling and it started flowing very nicely. Basement drained quickly, which made us very happy. Not happy about the upcoming clean up though. Haha.

Loaded the snake back into the trunk, which was like trying to stick a bowling ball into a drinking straw and headed back to the tool rental. Sure enough, two nigger bucks were walking into the place.

"What's with these niggers being around here?", asked the wife.

Again, surprised, I asked her, "What's with you calling them niggers?"

"I'm just sick of them. Every damned one of them is trouble", she replied.

"Now you know why I can't stand the damned things", I said.

Coontact Tale #1,116 (01-12-2008)

Gorillas at the Rainforest Cafe

This happened a few yrs ago, but it still makes me chuckle whenever I think of it. There is a chain of restaurants around called Rainforest Cafe, a really cool family place set to emulate that you are actually in a Rainforest, complete with trees, waterfalls and animated stuffed lifelike jungle animals. Every 15 minutes select animals would come to life, moving and making whatever sounds that animal makes. In our corner of the restaurant was a life-size family of gorillasin a tree overlooking the table next to us. The display would be pretty loud and last about 10 minutes until the next cycle.

Halfway through our meal, this three HUGE fat Bunifras are seated at the table directly under the gorillas. They immediately begin to loudly bicker over the table and everything as expected, when all of the sudden the animated gorillas over their table begin to beat their chest, grunt and howl. The biggest, fattest nigger looked up at the gorillas in utter horror and shrieked "what dat be?" "dat insultin!, we outta heah" and all three apes grabbed their shit and immediately left. Wish I had it on film, funny as shit

Coontact Tale #1,117 (01-15-2008)

Dat sheet aint hot.

This story happened about a year ago and I thought I'd typed it up but I had not. I was in a store a friend of ours owned today and was reminded of it. Here's how it went down:

Friend of ours owns a little nacho shop downtown, next to the niggerhood. He's a really nice guy and does his dead level best to get along with everyone,even niggers. But he's always telling us that they come in and beg for ice, beg for free food, beg for everything under the sun. Most of the time he can shut the biggest beggars up with a glass of iced tea (which he says costs him a dime, a small price to pay to get rid of a nigger stinking up your joint). I tell him that I"d just get a bat and go to busting heads.

Also this guy makes up his own salsa and fries his own chips in the back. Really good food and a really good price. The fact that he makes up his own salsa is a key to this little yarn.

He sets out at lunchtime a huge plate of homemade nacho chips and some salsa. Its a nice snack as you wait to get your food and its there for PAYING customers, not freeloaders. But we all know that niggers can smell freebie from miles away and WILL flock to your business to mooch. There's a AA nigger city worker that he says come in, doesnt buy anything but brings in a bowl and gets a bag of these chips and dunks his bowl in the salsa, for a free lunch. He tells me that it's 2-3 times a week and he's getting pissed off about it. So today when I go in, he's got the salsa and chips there, and I start to get one, he looks over at me and shakes his head no. I thought that maybe he was setting up for a lunch or something so I put it down. When I get my food he puts in my bag a small bag of chips and salsa. He's tells me that he's pulling a joke on the nigger moochers. I decide to just sit down and watch the floor show.

Bout 11 am in comes this stinking nigger. carrying a paper bag and a bowl. I knew it had to be Moocher Nigger. Nigger goes up and starts to fill this bag with chips and take the bowl like a scoop and fills it with this 'salsa' then has the nerve to axs for a glass of Ice Water. He tells him that he's just made some new tea, raspberry and is giving samples. Course being a typical nigger, anything free from YT is wonderful so he gladly accepts. He reaches under the counter and pulls out a ready made styrofoam cup of something and pulls the tea dispensers from the counter. Nigger takes one of the chips in his big monkey paw and into the salsa he goes, loading that baby right up. He opens that big nigger maul and stuffs it in......and chews

Extremely hot, spicy things take a few seconds to register in the human mind. Its like the mind doesn't understand exactly whats going on and has to repeat the process over and over. In these seconds, things begin to happen in the body, like sweating and swelling of mucous glands. By the time it's hit you, the process is pretty unavoidable as the mind is frantically searching for something to cool the fire in the mouth.With the nigger's pea brain, I'd think this could buy another 3-5 seconds.

I sat there and this nigger really didn't flinch too much for 10 seconds. Then it was like something was wrong and swallows. By then, the 4 alarm fire alarm was going on in the nigger brain. This nigger grabs the tea and sucks HARD on the straw and stops. He jumps up, knocking over the table and begins to gurgle, runs out of his store and into the next little store (convience store). He grabs a whole gallon of milk in the store and turns it up. The cashier was wonder just what in the hell this nigger was doing. He's hooting and hollering and cussing, then grabs another one and tries to drink it in the same fashion. Milk, cuss words and gallon jugs are flying over the place. I'm in the other store wondering what went on, the owner of this store is laughing so hard he's on his knees, pounding the floor, face all contorted, tears streaming down his face. He come out of the store in a few min, a milk soaked mess, throws the finger to my buddy in the store, heads for a old pickup truck, peels out, those big ol nigger lips just flapping and carrying on. He tells me that "I bet he won't come back again" I'm still wonder what the hell he did so he explains

"I got tired of this nigger moocher so at the last resteraunt convention I went to, they had some small sample bottles of the world's hottest seasoning. It was like 8 million Scoville units (the rating for hot peppers). How this rating works is for 1 drop of the hot stuff, it would take 8 MILLION drops of water to counteract it. So last night, I made up a special batch of salsa. I was hoping he would come in. I also made him up a special drink that also contained some of this stuff. I figured he do his usual and get a mess of chips and salsa then sit down right there to eat it" I pulled in all the tea urns so the only thing he could drink was this special tea I made him (which contained MORE of this stuff). There more than 1 way to break a dog from sucking eggs. I got more in case he decides to come back"

Yep and more than one way to stop a nigger moocher and in as far as I know, the nigger never came back.


Coontact Tale #1,118 (01-16-2008)

A dark morning in the drug store

This week, I go into the drug store to drop off and fill a prescription. I see the usual humans at the drop off counter and decide to walk around the store for a bit as I wait for it to be filled.

I then decide to go sit in the waiting area where there is only one human sitting. As I sit down, it catches me by surprise. I look behind the counter, and Tywaun is “working” there. I am in this drug store somewhat frequently, and this is the first time I have ever saw it there.

Thankfully, they were not letting Tywaun do anything in terms of mixing the medicine. He was just a cashier and gofer more or less. I made sure of this because I would have refused to pick up my prescription if it had mixed it or touched it directly.

Anyway, I just observed Tywaun get into a tiff with the human customer that was waiting ahead of me. I am not sure what the actual issue was because Tywaun was babbling. The pharmacy may have been in the right with whatever the issue was because of the way insurance companies are, but having Tywaun attempt to explain the issue was in vain simply because Tywaun had no clue what it was doing.

I also watched as the humans (mainly the pharmacists) looked at Tywaun with sheer disgust as he just stood around and did nothing. At one point, ole Tywaun was dancing to a song being played on the PA system.

When it came time for me to pick up my prescription, Tywaun said something but I couldn’t understand what it was. You could just tell it hated having to serve humans and couldn’t even mumble a coherent thank you.

I expect him to steal money, medicine or just screw up so badly that he will not be employed at this specific location much longer.

Here is a picture…

Coontact Tale #1,119 (01-16-2008)

Job coontact....

Well here we go....

I work in a sports bar that specializes in wings(yes the ones that niggers have wet dreams about). So I suppose this is the first in about 1000000000000000000 of my job related coon tales.

Couple of days ago(sunday i believe) it is getting close to closing time. I cashed out the last of my tables and predictably, a nig and two of his liberal assholes walk in ten minutes prior to our closing time.

Well, I am the only one left that is still on the floor(everyone else is cut and doing their side work so they can get the hell out of there). I greet the nig and you guessed it, he is on his "cey-pone" and doesnt acknowledge me for about 5 mins. I am clearly pissed off at this point because for whatever got damn reason these animals always come into the place 10-20 mins before closing time like it is some kind of nigger ritual. Well, I finally get their orders and I bring out their wings(big surprise) and his choice of a side.......cheese fries(another shocker). It eats half of its fries then proceeds to tell me that it isnt hot enough. I get him some more and they arent crispy enough(all nigs love everything burnt all to hell). After three attempts, even the mexican kitchen crew were fed up with the uppity nigger, he pays. Finally its over, I can clean up and go home. Wait.....hell no his liberal loving asshole ,wigger wanna be, ebonic speaking, nigger lovin friend starts to critisize me and the nig joins in and doesnt tip me but a few $ and i stress few to the tee. Fuckin niggers, they never fail to piss off YT when given the chance.

Coontact Tale #1,120 (01-16-2008)

Niggers on a plane.

This goes back several years. I was on a flight from Dallas to LA. I noticed a nigger ho and her 3 year old sit in the seats right behind me. I ignore it, but after the flight gets started, the 3 year old is on the mother's lap, and it occasionally bumps the back of my seat. I try to ignore that. Then the little monkey goes bam bam bam on my seat back. Then this old white woman across the aisle from the she-boon starts this "oh isn't he cute!" crap. Then finally the little ape starts this long pile driver tap dance on the back of my seat. Miss wigger, across the aisle, incredibly continues her "isn't he cute" crap. I looked at her like she lost her mind. Then I buzz the flight attendant. When she came, I wasn't in a mood to mince words. I said "Look - I am not going to have my seat back kicked all the way to LA. I also am not going to move - I selected exactly the seat I want weeks ago." The flight attendant moved the jungle family way to the back of the plane.
The worst think about the experience was actually the wigger woman cooing over the little savage.

Coontact Tale #1,121 (01-16-2008)

Savage nigger girl kicks baby brother in streets

This coontact happened years ago,but reading this site brought back the memeory. One day in the beautiful suburb of Oak Park,Ill,home of Ernest Hemingway,and a suburb that borders the West Side Nigger Ghetto,I see an 8 or so year old nigger gal,and she is hitting a young nigger boy. As he cries out,she begins kicking him and stomping him!
I quickly go over and interceed. I stop the little girl and try to get her to be nice and stop being violent. I have to admit,I thought the little feller was cute,with tears coming down his little face and an expression of pure sadness. (I guess I was more liberal then!) I was really appalled by the level of violence. This was a real chimp out!! I talked to the girl a while and I had to leave. I can only wonder what has gone on with that pair since then. The cute little tot is by now a surly buck,and I have no doubt he is giving it out like he used to take it!! Maybe someday,like Androcles and the lion,a nigger will attack me and just when he is ready to stomp me,he'll recognize me and say,"Hey!Isn you da white man dat saved me all dese years ago??" And then he'll stomp me anyway!

Coontact Tale #1,122 (01-18-2008)

Christ, they hired a nigger.

Recently, I left my previous job and started a new one in a new city.

Everything was going well, since we have a lilly-white office, and everyone gets along with one another very well, and it is a very laid-back, yet professional environment.

Well, it WAS a professional environment until today, when we got our two new interns. One is a human guy, and the other...yep, a fucking ugly as sin sheboon. I mean this sow is fucking CIRCUS ugly. If I had a dog with a face like hers, I would shave its ass and teach it to walk backward.

She comes in and instead of asking for some, you know, work to do, or a tour of the office to get acquainted, she starts bellowing about how she be needin' some white-out to fiss her papa'work. She then helps herself to the snacks we put out for visitors, and starts smaking away at that shit with her fat, ugly boon lips.

The human kid, on the other hand, immediately introduces himself around the office and is sure to let everyone know that he is absolutely available for any projects which would help out the team. Someone obliged him, and he worked all morning until lunch.

Meanwhile, the sheboon shambles around the office, spends the better part of the morning on private email and babbling on her cey'fone, tries to do some menial work, fails, bitches, and then goes to lunch and stays out for an hour and a half. The real kicker is that apparently this is not her first internship.

Oh, and naturally she goes to some worthless nigger college, whereas the human goes to a reputable school.

I only pray that her tenure with the office is short, before she turns the whole thing into a big shit-show.

Coontact Tale #1,123 (01-18-2008)

Family Dollar Coontact!What a day!(sarcasm)

I went to the dollar store to pick up some odds and ends for the house. Im strapped for cash,so I had to go the dollar store route. Like I said before,the town I live in doesnt have any niggers but all the towns around me do and unfortunately,those towns have the most stores.Anyway, I went in the store and grabbed what I needed and walked to the checkout.The cashiers are these ugly looking nigger beast chicks.She rang up my items and the bill came to $22.85. I gave her $23. She bagged my stuff and I waited for my change.I didnt get it. I asked her for it. She said its only 10 cents. I said No,its 15 cents.Before I lost my temper I just said "Aw,fuck it." She had the nerve to yell at me "Dont yo be cussin inz muh store." I said "Its not your store." She replied "I beez the managurr" I laughed and said "you cant even count." And left while she was babbling something. When I got to the end of the parking lot I turned around and looked at the store with a grin. All the nigger broads were looking at me and pointing at me while saying something.I guess I ruined their day.

Coontact Tale #1,124 (01-18-2008)

Some TNB with a fat, drunk nigger sow.

This is a story that still gets me pissed when I think too much about it.

My girl is pregnant and a few months ago we visited the hospital because she had severe, persistent nausea. After sitting in the examination room for hours, we were seen, my girl was given anti-nausea meds and we were on our way. On our way home we decide to stop in a nearby convenience store and grab some snacks and drinks. We grab our things and this portly monkey sow walks in the door as we were going to check out and almost hip checks my pregnant girlfriend to jump in front of us. Needless to say, this got my blood boiling to the point of me wanting to chimp out myself. But then, as if that weren't enough, she turns around and instead of walking around us which would have been much easier for all parties involved (and we all know they can't have that), she tries to walk through me and says the always wonderful, "Excuuuuuse me" right in my face. I wasn't having that shit, so I followed her around the store getting in her way everywhere she went saying "Excuuuuse me" right at her until she appeared to get the picture that I wasn't going to take her dumb shit. She then proceeds to tell some cops that came in for coffee that I was harassing her and they needed to do something about "my white ass". I flipped and told the cops exactly what she had done and that she was a drunk nigger (on summa dat mu-fuckin' Henessy fo sho nigga) while she sat there like a proud silverback with a childish smirk on her face and the cop gave me a knowing look and said, "I know, I know-typical nigger shit". He said he would handle it and told me to go on home.

Coontact Tale #1,125 (01-17-2008)

A Good Weapon Against Coontacts

First time coontact post I would like to share with you folks.

My gf and I were driving one night going back home and I saw an irish pub I didn't notice before. I love a good guinness and figured chances are really high that it would have no niggers. Boy was a wrong. I come in and there are three jigs laughing and yelling so loud, I almost walked out. But I noticed a jukebox in the corner and nobody was playing music. I got some change from the bartender and played 4 Irish songs and 3 country ones.

One thing I learned is that jigaboos hate and I mean HATE country music. Well the first song fires off and nothing. Second song and I here the monkey bitching man who play diz shit. 3rd and 4th they try to sing along mocking the songs. the 5th they get real pissed because its now country LOL. The 6th one of them yelled out loud literaly " We ain't leavin, we don't care what you played" and the 7th they cusssed at the bartender then left. I smiled and enjoyed my guinness more then I ussualy would. Now it was a REAL Irish Pub Again.

Coontact Tale #1,126 (01-18-2008)

Phone job coontact

The work coontact stories have reminded me of several coontacts from my younger days.

Just out of grad school, I was looking for work in my field and paying the bills by working at a phone center of a major credit card bank, taking complaints, helping customers, etc. Of course it sucked big time, but there were several interesting coontacts.

1) Nigger has been taken. We did not offer "secured" credit cards, where you deposit money into an account and then charge against it. However, someone had forged part of one of our forms and sent it to a nigger. Of course the nigger sent in his money, and weeks later called me to find out why his card not be comin' yo.

Me: Sir, we DO NOT OFFER secured credit cards [repeat ad nauseam]

Nig: But I'ze be havin da foam rat here, y'all has my muthafukkin money.

Me: Sir, you should contact the police, because this is an obvious case of fraud.

Nig: Dat cain't be [he's too goddam smart to get taken] cuz I sent mah money.

Went on for about ten minutes, finally the nig chimped out: "You ain't da only person there. I wants a supavisah."

So I chuckled and transferred the nig.

2)Nig overlimit and late. This was a shaniqua; she was about $150 over her limit and two months late, and her card had been declined at KFC, the nail parlor, or some such place.

I explained in detail that she couldn't use the card until 1) she paid her bill and 2) got her balance under her limit.

Naturally, shaniqua not be wantin' to hear dat. She actually said "Why you cut me off? You treatin' me jus' like a slave on da plantation." As we all know, slaves were not allowed to go over their credit limit on their credit cards.

I barely avoided cracking up.

Coontact Tale #1,127 (01-18-2008)

Coontact at the Chuck e Cheese

This happened oh about 25 years ago, when I used to work at Chuck E Cheese, a huge breeding ground for TNB and Coontact. I have many stories to tell, and reading the tales here is starting to stir my memories.
I didn't encounter many niggers in school or my neighborhood when I was growing up, so it was my first job at the C.E.C. that really taught me something about their behavior. Everything I knew about niggers up to that point was taught to me by liberal nigger-loving teachers of the "They're just the same as white people, only their skin is darker" type. Yeh, right.

So anyway, the restaurant had this life-size animatronic robot of Elvis Presley, that would sing songs for the cost of one token. Well, this was in the mid-eighties, during the height of Michael Jackson's popularity, before he became a complete whack job. Thriller just came out, so some idiot decided to change Elvis into Jacko. Of course, when this thing starting singing, all the little chimps would start jumping up and down and acting like the animals they are. White people used to pull me aside and say "This attracts a certain crowd, if you know what I mean?"

But one particular coon-tact stands out in my mind: Remember I said this thing runs on tokens? Well, this she-boon comes up to me and says "I puts my toke in dar an it don't play nuffin" So I tell her I will take care of it. I go in the closet where the controls are located, and get it to start singing. So you think the groid is satisfied? No, she tells me, "I wants my money back". I ask her why, it's playing like you wanted. She tells me, "Somebody else put a toke in der while you gon". (Niggers always called them "tokes' instead of "tokens", not sure why.)
Now, me being brainwashed by liberal teachers and The Cosby Show, couldn't understand what her problem was. I told her she paid to hear it play, and it is playing, so why a refund? "Because someone else pay", she says.
So I'm a little slow and finally realise that since someone else also paid to hear it sing, she shouldn't have to. She axes to see the managah, so he comes over and explains to her why she shouldn't get her money back. I don't recall what happened after that but I did learn a valuable lesson: Niggers want everything free.

I have many, many more stories to tell from the annals of Chuck E Cheese - stay tuned...

But wait, I have a question - why is it that when nigglets play the pinball machine, they just constantly hit the flipper buttons as fast as they can, with absolutley no correlation to the ball being there? Just an observation

Coontact Tale #1,128 (01-18-2008)

STD Nigger Sow

My sister was in the grocery store yesterday and told me of a coontact she had. My sister was in the hygiene aisle and she noticed a Sow with a skinny white Eminem looking freak. The Sow was looking at some sort of female hygiene product when she blurted out for the whole aisle to hear "I GOT'S A YELLOWY DISCHARGE".

I hope the Eminem douche gets the most haneous STD from this Sow.


Coontact Tale #1,129 (01-18-2008)

That reminds me of the times, back in the early 90s, when most cell phones were analog, you could easily pick up conversations with a Radio Shack scanner. Which is what I used to do for fun. It didn't take me long to learn to skip any white conversations, and go right to the blacks, as they were far more interesting. I wish I had recorded some of those conversations, they were funny as hell. Every single black male phone call I picked up, always involved some kind of illegal activity -usually a drug deal, or stolen car, or looking for some boo-tay. And the women were always talking about who be the baby daddy, or who's in jail, just got out, or is about to go. I remember this one call between two she-boons, after every sentence the first girl said, the second would say "Fo real?", every time, and nothing else.


Chapter XXIII | Coontact XXV | Coontact Menu