Niggers are retarded. Yes, they are!
Chapter XXIII | Chapter XXIV | Coontact Menu
Coontact Tale #1,069 (12-28-2007)
Massa-Moegan posted the Judge Judy video recently and it sparked a Navy coontact tale that I hadn't thought of in years. Part of the shipboard dungaree uniform is a blue working jacket. Halfway through my enlistment I still had my basic training issue jacket with my name and social on the tag under the collar and my name stenciled above the breast pocket. My E-4 rank(crow) was on the sleeve and I had ship patches sewed onto it. I could recognize my own jacket anywhere. One day my jacket went missing from the mess decks while we were underway. I had taken it off to eat and i forgot it there. About a month later I see this nigger (I will call Toby) wearing it. I thought this was one of the nicer,less ghetto niggers. I was still kind of liberal at that point, even having been robbed blind a couple of times and had my car riddled with bullets in a gang fight in Charleston SC. I saw red when I saw the jacket but I kept my composure and said in private. "Say Toby I do believe that is my jacket. It has my name on the front and my patches on it".The nig replies, "Nah man dis mahn, I jus' aint put mah name on it yet" I said that could be solved by looking at the tag. Well he took it off and by that time there was a filthy nigger ring around the collar stain on it and sure enough...my name and social right there. I said give it to me and he just went into nigger mode and tried to walk away calling me a cracker. I followed him topside and I grabbed one of the sleeves as he was walking away and struggled with him. He was threatening me and I started pushing him towards the rail. I was so pissed that I was ready to push him over the side. Well some people broke us up and I didn't press charges because i didn't want trouble with the niggers on board. That wasn't the turning point for me but It was a great lesson in niggerlogic.
Coontact Tale #1,070 (12-29-2007)
Christmas charity coontact 1
Years ago when I worked for the big phone company there were unwritten rules that managers had to volunteer in the community. (I coached Little League in my all human neighborhood) But a lot of naive nice people would get sucked into doing nice at Christmas for the "less fortunate" niggers in public housing.
They were well meaning but ignorant folks who actually thought niggers were just like them, only poor. So, they thought it would be nice to brighten up Christmas by making nice decorations for the niggers to put up!
In the weeks before Christmas they would spend a lot of their lunch hour in the cafeteria making wonderful hand made decorations. They were beautiful things, right out of Martha Stewart, the kind of things that inspire Christmas spirit in humans. I even begged a few small things for my tree at home.
I didn't have the heart (and I knew they would not believe me) to tell them what was going to happen when they showed up at a "gib muh" party for niggers with out "real" presents.
Sure enough they scheduled a party at the coonmunity center for a few days before Christmas. The niglets and mammies showed up and started scarfing the goodies. But they were looking around and asking about presents. When they found out they were getting decorations even the niglets chimped out. One niglet actually threw one of the hand made items right into some lady's face!
The good news is there was a bunch of niggermaniacs made that night!
Coontact Tale #1,071 (12-29-2007)
Christmas charity coontact 2
Fast forward to the next year after Christmas charity coontact 1.
After the disastrous "decorations" party the year before, the committee at the company decided that expectations were not set properly with the coons. Believe me, none of the folks from the year before were around. This year they decided to give real items, but they would be practical and they settled on kids clothing.
Folks went around to the department stores and solicited kids clothing for the "less fortunate." They collected quite a bit of nice stuff.
Once again, the party was set for the coonmunity center. The niglets and mammies showed up and started shoveling food into their yaps. Then the "presents" came out.
The niglets were not happy. They wanted "real" presents not cloths. But the mammies looked at the stuff, still in the original wrapping with tags still on and shut the niglets up. They grabbed their loot and left.
There isn't a niggermaniac here who doesn't know what happened next.
Over the next couple of days, the organizers who solicited the stores to donate were getting calls from the stores saying the mammies were coming in and demanding cash refunds!
Coontact Tale #1,072 (12-30-2007)
14 years ago
I graduated from high school and went to work for UPS while still keeping the part time job I had through school.
At that time I had a 1980 Chevy truck lifted with 40" Ground Hawgs on it. (best tire i've had to date) and the UPS security guard at the gate said "I'm not sure you can fit in our parking lot" I assured him that I could, and he let me in.
I was loading trucks there, It was a lot of work, but not hard work. I had to check zip codes to make sure they were supposed to be in my truck, and load the truck. After about 2 weeks of checking zip codes, I realized the sorter was doing his job, and I just loaded the truck.
nigger supervisor comes to me and axes if I got any missorts? I say " No Tim is doing a good job up there for me. nigger says well I beez stuck a missort on yo belt when you not lookin. youz habta find it.
Fuck you nigger, I quit... they still have my last paycheck cause I wont go back there
Coontact Tale #1,073 (12-30-2007)
Mutt nigger habs a light out
This mutt sow comes in and says " i be gots a light out, can you fix it? oh i needs a oh change too. how much dat be?
Since both of my techs were doing nothing, i took the job. Next thing I know, white (lower cased cause she condoned this) grand mammy, original mutt, and its 5 niglets (not one of which had the same complection) come into the store to wait. We have a very small store, nowhere near big enough for 6 niggers and a grammy. They caused such a disruption, that I had regular customers making faces when they walked in.
My tech came to me and said that he noticed this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and this wrong with the nog's 1994 Cadilac. I said I don't care, put oil in it and get it out. I can't take this any longer.
Coontact Tale #1,074 (12-30-2007)
I went to the DMV in my town to renew my license. I knew I was in for some grade A coontact here so was prepared for it. I brought a scarf with Vicks vapor rub on it so I couldn't smell any nigger stench and gloves on my hands so I wouldn't get any nigger grease germs. I got in the door and there wasn't a nigger in sight. I looked up at the ceiling and silently prayed to God "Thank you, Lord!"
There were several mexican and white humans waiting. I got a ticket and went over to fill out a form for license renewal. I was half way done when I heard a loud deep coughing like whooping. I thought that someone was choking, a human, so spun around. I know CPR and the HM quite well.
I was then eye to yellow eye with a big fat nigger buck dressed in a cut off plaid shirt and baggy jeans. Its boxers were showing too. I got a whiff of nigger stench as the wind blew in so I put on my Vicks scarf so block it. The nog kept coughing over and over so loudly.
"Ah needsta *COUGH COUGH* neesta beez getting ah laysuns!" the buck boomed and then coughed again more loudly. It sounded like screaming because the decibles were so high. A mexican baby who was asleep before began crying as it was scared of the loud coughing. The nog then coughed three times in a row even louder.
"Ah sick. kenz I get in da front of da line?" it asked the receptionist..who nodded and escorted he nog through the door to the counter.
The humans started whispering to themselves angrily. I just shrugged, at least I wouldn't hear that nog's coughing. The door was propped open when the woman came back through and I did not hear any more coughing. This buck had sounded it was about to die, it was coughing so loud.
More numbers were called and then I saw the buck leaving with a wicked "Iz beez gettin da best ob YT" smile. It didn't cough at all as it left. I then got my license renewal form turned in and took the picture but I looked furious!
Coontact Tale #1,075 (12-30-2007)
an Aussie couple
About a week after the Katrina, my neighbor and myself went into town to get some ice. Our wives stayed together at our house because my wife has an M1 carbine and she had to stay to guard the house. (still no power, freezer was unfreezing) We also had heard that they were passing out MRE's and we wanted to see if there were any to be had. Our food was getting low and all of the stores had been looted. All of the refrigerated goods at the stores were ruined anyway so we were getting pretty anxious to see if any MRE's had shown up.
We were waiting in line (they had 2 state troopers to mind the line and keep the nigger monkey shines to a minimum) and we met up with an Aussie who was staying in our town while his wife was recovering in the hospital.
They were out on the town one night and the next morning had no way out of town (the day of the hurricane). His wife was beaten and gangraped by several of the hotel employees where they were staying on vacation and decided to wait the storm out. He had a broken arm, several broken ribs and should have been in the hospital but they were only admitting life and death cases, as there was no room.
They poor guy was frantic with grief, and wishes he would have been killed. I invited him over to share some of our freezer food we were BBQing, but he just wanted to go back and stay with his wife. They were rescued from the hotel by the state police, or they probably would have killed both of them. The niggers ran away, and were never caught, the guy told me that the only reason the state police showed up was because the niggers in the hotel were shooting at rescue helicopters and they went to that particular hotel to put a stop to it.
I have never hated niggers as much as that moment in time, and will never forget the haunted look on this guys face as told he me what had happened to his wife. I remember thinking how will he ever make love to his wife again, and will she ever be able to cope with what was done to her.
Yeah, I judge them all, and hate every last one of them. My life experience has shown me that they are animals and deserve to be regarded as such.
Coontact Tale #1,076 (12-30-2007)
I made a nigger fall!!!
I work the overnight shift at a hotel, and after 11pm, we lock the
doors, and do business through the overnight window (to protect us from the
late night niggers)
The doors are locked with an electronic lock, and the switch is located right below the window (so if you see a nigger coming, you can flip a switch and lock them out)
A few nights ago, I saw this huge nigger sow walking up to the door
with its nigglets in tow. It completely bypassed the overnight window, and started
tugging on the locked door.
Now, most humans know that a door that wont open at 3 o'clock in the morning means that the door is LOCKED.
Niggers don't understand this. Each and every night I will have at LEAST one nasty nigger try to pull and pull and pull on this obviously locked door.
Usually, I just knock on the window to show the niggers that we only do business with them through bulletproof glass after dark.
I tried to knock on the window this time, but failed to get the wild sheboons attention. It was too busy niggerbabbling......"Y dis dough aint openin".
With every unsuccessful tug, the nigger just pulled harder and harder on the locked door, and eventually, it began to put its entire body weight into each tug.
Finally, I got tired of trying to get its attention, and decided to let it in....the fun way.
As it was pulling and tugging, and leaning back...thinking that its
sheer weight would be enough to open the door, I flipped the unlock switch!!!!
The door SWUNG OPEN, and the nigger hit the FLOOR!!!
It took everything I had in me to hold my composure as the nigger lay there shouting! The nigglets finally helped it up, and it entered the lobby shouting "Yaw need do sumpm bawt dat dough"!
I told it that the door was locked, and that she must have broken it.
Then, in TNB, it started shouting that it was "gone get a laya, an AWN dis place".
Typical nigger! Thinking that it can bypass insurance companies, and become owners and operators of large corporations.
Coontact Tale #1,077 (12-30-2007)
Coontact through the ether ...
Just before Christmas, a local television reporter did a story on a (typical) local elderly couple. They were in their seventies but they looked like they were pushing 100.
One thing I've learned about nigger sub-humans is that they age poorly. It's probably because they live like animals. I mean, they have roaches crawling across their dinner while they eat.
But I digress ...
So these old gorillas were eating a free, delivered Christmas dinner. Boy did they look happy. The reporter asked them about their family.
'Oh, we gots 11 chern, 37 gran-chern, and 51 great-gran-chern.'
I don't remember the exact numbers, but I remember saying out loud, 'Holy Crap!! That's like ONE-HUNDRED offspring and NOT ONE of those bastard niggers could provide EVEN A MEAL for those old folks.'
And there you have it: Niggers are ruining the world.
My grandfather (God rest his beloved soul) used to tell me, 'for every nigger that gets killed at an early age, that's about 50 illegitimate nigger children that won't be on the welfare roles for the next couple of generations.'
Coontact Tale #1,078 (12-30-2007)
I was at the National Zoo once and almost got into a fight with some black guy because he was throwing pieces of mulch at the cheetahs. I told him to knock it the fuck off, he told me to "mind ya own muthafuckin business," I told him again to cut it out, and of course he decided to square off for a fight. Why do black people always escalate to violence so quickly?
To which Gman responds:
I will answer the question of why niggers escalate to violence so quickly. It is important for whites to understand the nigger and how it thinks.
A nigger is the most impulsive creature that has ever walked on this earth. It was willing to instantly fight because the white who told it to stop had momentarily halted it's own self-amusement in tormenting the zoo animals. It is no different than a girl who says no to a nigger's demand for sex or a person who refuses to give a nigger money in a robbery or a person who refuses to give a nigger their car in a carjacking. All these responses deny the nigger it's instant pleasure and the result is a potentially lethal chimpout. A nigger is the easiest creature to understand. They are all about living in the moment without a single thought about consequences of their actions. This is what makes them so dangerous!! Most whites have no idea that niggers think this way. Because whites do not think in this way, they mistakenly believe that niggers think the way they think and that is a huge mistake. Many whites die every year because they don't know how to deal with niggers. Anyway, I thought I would share that for those here that might not have given it any thought. This is why a nigger can kill over something insignificant. If you tangle with a nigger, remember how they think.
Coontact Tale #1,079 (12-31-2007)
Sheboon at Tha Sto'
I was at the jewelry counter of a busy department store looking at watches. I patiently waited my turn, and just as the clerk was walking towards me, one of those 400 pound she-niggers walks up to the counter and demanded that the clerk service her immediately. She (the clerk) looked at me and I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.
The nigress wanted to look at necklaces. The necklaces were in removable locked display cases and the clerk put one of the large cases on the counter so they could be examined closer. But the nigress wanted them taken out of the case. The clerk, frazzled, showed admirable patience in explaining that she was not allowed to remove any of the jewelry except after it had been paid for.
Nah, the clerk refused because she was "raciss" and this and that. It had been a long time since I'd seen a chimpout and this may have been the clerk's first (it was a very white area). The clerk stood her ground, probably since there were cameras everywhere and she would have been fired if she broke policy.
The nigress left, and the clerk was visibly upset and apologetic when she got to me.
By the way, I actually bought a watch. There was no way the she-beast would have bought anything. Fixin' to steal, I'm sure.
Coontact Tale #1,080 (12-31-2007)
Working at a store where you return videos, One time we got one back from a nigger that smelt SO bad . I tossed it right in the trash. No joke, that one video stunk up that store until i took the trash out. (With gloves on and everything, it was disgusting) It smelt like a mix of onions and fried chicken. I don't even know how a stench that strong can stick to such a little object... Then i realize afterall it WAS a nigger that handed it in.
Also what i hate, when at school, changing for gym you hear the tribal
cries of the she-niggers 'ANYWUN GOTS LOTION?'
Then you see them share their coa-coa butter with each other, putting the excess thats left in their hand after applying, in their hair.
I use my shirt to open the door afterwards, its usually scummy and gross.
OH, What beats that too, is whilst in gym you see a tumbleweed of niggerweaves blow past.
Ewwww. Gosh their bathroom manners are gross.
SHEIT I NEED DIS FO' MAH JERRYCURLLZZ NIGGUHH
Coontact Tale #1,081(12-31-2007)
L-Dog Takes College Calculus
In 1999 I took freshman-year college calculus. In the next seat over was a nigger named "L-Dog." He was a rapper. He rapped about cutting off some guys legs and using them to prop up the bed as he raped the guy's girl. He had a shiny "bling bling" chain with "L-Dog" in sparkly, shiny material hanging off of it.
Despite being in calculus, I hadn't quite put 2 and 2 together, so I ended up helping the guy out. He couldn't follow the simplest procedure. I could write out the process for solving a problem step-by-step, then give him the same problem with one number changed and he couldn't do it.
Anyway, the guy somehow passed first semester, but I don't believe he passed the second semester. It was just a year's slot in a state university wasted and taxpayer money flushed down the toilet. When I reflect upon our fruitless attempts to educate these animals, my own tax burden sits a little heavier on my shoulders.
Coontact Tale #1,082 (01-01-2008)
I haven't had any real good coontact stories, but I had one today that just made me laugh.
I work in an ice cream store and often get niggers in here with their TNB, trying to get free stuff, telling me to "hook it up", telling my employees to "hook them up, he ain't lookin (referring to me)".
So these 2 sheboons walk in and right away I knew they were gonna be trouble. After about 5 minutes of staring around at the picture menus, she finally stops at the sundaes. She then asks, "Ah dose da real sizes?" I tell her of course not, they are just pictures on a menu made bigger so people can see them from a distance easily. She then makes this face and starts mumbling about how that's false advertising.
If I was in a better mood I would have suggested she hire a lawyer and sue.
Coontact Tale #1,083 (01-02-2008)
About 7 years ago, i moved to NC from CA. I pretty much had to do it sight unseen. By her voice i could tell the apartment manager was a bit of a hick, but at least not a nigger. So i accept the apartment, and all was good.
But when I arrived, I found myself in the middle of a niggerhood. Like 80% of the population in the complex was groidian. Actually, it wasn't so bad. This area of NC is very transient. 80% of the niggers went to church every Sunday. Very crime free for a niggerhood.
Then I had to pay my tax. About a year after I moved in, some teeniggers broke into my apartment. I knew they were niggers for two reasons:
1) They broke in during school hours.
2) They weren't smart enough to steal anything of value.
I had my checkbook out on a table in full view, and all they took were CD's (which i suspect they sold at a used CD store a few blocks away).
After 9-11, we experienced a downturn in the rental market due to jobs being scaled back. The white lady who managed the complex quit, and the rental company started letting in criminal niggers. I moved out an bought a home in YT town shortly thereafter. I watch the news and theyve had like 25 murders over there (in the general area) since i moved.
Two words of advice
1) Move out the day you see a nigger throw trash on the ground in your neighborhood.
2) If you are moving into a neighborhood check the car count...if no cars are around on Sunday Morning, then niggers aren't sleeping off their crack-highs.
P.s. I still go looking for CD's in my CD pile, and when I can't find one, I think "Oh...that must have been one that the niggers stole".
Coontact Tale #1,084 (01-02-2008)
New Year's Coontact
OK, so I was with some old friends on New Year's, as I'm sure many of the people here were. Well, it just happened that one of my friends (this was at his place) invited what is probably the closest thing to a nigger friend we've ever had to celebrate with us.
This was someone we both knew well in our high school days. I like to think that we were a good influence on him, or at least we tried to be. When our nig "friend" was hanging out with us, he stayed out of trouble, avoided monkeyshines and other TNB, and didn't even get arrested once. We thought we might have had one of those rare "magic niggers" on our hands.
Well, to make a long story short, after high school the nig moved away from us and out into a house in Pleasant Grove (niggerfuxated part of Dallas). As it turned out, our "friend" was just mimicking white behaviors. Despite our best efforts to "civilize" him, he rapidly reverted to a feral state once he came back into contact with other street apes. He was arrested for multiple drug offenses, assault, and some other minor TNB charges. He began to sire illegitimate children. And worst of all, his entire demeanor changed from that of a well-behaved human imitator to one of gangbangin' niggerfuxation. We hardly recognized him anymore. Thankfully, he didn't stay long because he had "too many clucks to serve up" that night (i.e. he was busy selling drugs).
This just goes to show you that you can take the nigger out of the jungle, but you can NEVER take the jungle out of a NIGGER!
Coontact Tale #1,085 (01-03-2008)
Speaking of driving -
Years ago there was this crazy girl that would hang around me - saw her around from time to time. Well, she looked and dressed like a Barbie Doll, oh yeah. One thing that she did NOT like was niggers looking at her. ANY nigger whether it was a chimplet, sheboon or buck. And if she even thought a buck was eye-raping her, oh shit, head for the bomb shelters! One fine day she had picked me up and was taking me somewhere with her in her little Barbie sports car, sitting at a stoplight when a carload of nigs pulled up next to us on her side. I think it was a couple of bucks and a backseat load of chimplets. They looked at her while we we sitting there and that's all it took. She said "Aw, niggers!", rolled her window down and started making monkey noises - Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Haw! Haw! Haw! Scree! Scree! Scree! There I was sitting in the passenger side seat going "Oh shit!!" expecting a chimpout of epic proportions, with me right in the middle of it. As it turned out, the niggers just sat there looking at her, not seeming to know what to think about all that. They had that "guurl, you crazy" look on their faces. The light changed and off we all drove off our separate ways with no other problems. Haven't seen crazy girl in years, but I can imagine where ever she is there's been a trail of chimpouts.
Coontact Tale #1,086 (01-05-2008)
This morning along the peaceful beaches of North County San Diego
--Where I regularly go to run the measured mile of beach-front parking spots, I saw in the distance a gaggle of moon-faced goggle-eyed Moon Crickets, led by a rather thin facsimile of a female Boon. This is rather unusual in this area. Way out in front of the skinny Coon were two adult Mock-humans and a threesome of Niglets Piglets.
The skinny Boon was desperately jumping up and down, making wild hand gestures for the younger Niglets to "come back to Mammy." It was almost a cartoon parody of a disgusting chimp out. Of course, the stray piglets ignored the Manny sow, until it got into rock throwing range.
Then in full view of the several humans on the beach, the head sow actually began picking up beach stones and throwing them at the wayward niglets. After dodging the stones for some time, the young niglets got the message, and began coming back to Mammy.
About the time that I got back into my SUV, the she-groid and her spawn had crawled up the rock embankment to the parking area, and (wouldn't you just know it!) they all appeared directly in front of my vehicle. The very much winded she-boon was heaving desperately, trying to get it's wind back, and it placed a paw on my white SUV.
With a hand on my Millennium .45, I popped open my door, and screamed at it" "Get your fucking mitt off of my property!" The she-boon complied immediately, and mumbled something I couldn't understand.
At the same time, the other two adult silver-backs came trudging up behind her, and one who looked like a sepia Homer Simpson, said something to the effect of; "Chill out mang. The lady be jus trying TA catch a breath." I have no doubt that it could see my hand on my pistol.
I told him emphatically that my vehicle is not an ambulance, but if he wanted to push the matter, I could arrange for a truck from the county coroner to come pick them up.
Fortunately, Porky got my drift and marched the brood, along with the skinny she-boon off in the direction of their hoopty.
I immediately went down, and paid another $14.00 to get the Coon smears
off my otherwise clean vehicle.
Coontact Tale #1,087 (01-05-2008)
Humans proclaim victory at Niggermart
Foreword: I haven't stepped foot inside a Wal-Mart in over two years, so despite my hatred for the place, I stopped by to get a few things.
I only had 6 items total. Surprisingly, the nigger experience was rather low, just your usual slow idiotic yokels making a 10 second purchase decision into a 20 minute one.I get to the express lane (20 items or less) and this ugly nigger sow was standing in line with a full cart of stuff. We all know niggers can't read, so I informed it that it needs to get out of the way. There were about 7-8 humans behind this groid (including me), and about 2 humans in front of it checking out rather quickly. It looked at me as if I had lost ma mufuggin mind. It approaches the checkout, and the cashier tells it to kindly GTFO. It objects. It motions for me to step ahead with the other whites with our 5 items max a piece, and of course a chimp out results. "MAING SHEEEEITT!!!!" The humans proceed. The cashier let every single human checkout before the groid. It was furious. I was ecstatic. My first NigMart experience without distain.
Coontact Tale #1,088 (01-06-2008)
Daddy caused a chimp out last night
My first post here. We were downtown in New York, coming home from a show, waiting for a cab to Penn Station. This street bum comes up to dad and shakes a cup of change in front of him and goes yo man yo man. My dad pours the change into his hand, pockets it, and says thanks dude. The street coon starts jumping and screeching until a cop shows up, he tells the cop that daddy robbed him, and daddy tells the cop that the coon offered him a cup of change, so he took it. The cop cracked up and sent us on our way. Good job daddy!!!!!
Coontact Tale #1,089 (01-07-2008)
TNB in Mormon Library
After Thanksgiving I went to a Mormon Family History Library to learn
about genealogy. I had to make an appointment and when I arrived I had to sit
in the lobby with others and wait to get my tour. The lobby was at street level
with large plate glass windows in a very busy, metropolitan area.
Well, as I was reading a magazine, I heard the revolving door spinning and what spilled out was a wild, hyperactive she-boon. It was wearing one of those old-style down ski coats that are quilted and make one look like a human hand grenade. Also was wearing ridiculous boots---as if she was planning to go trout fishing. Short and squat, she had a bearish type of coon face with squinty little pig eyes and a huge mouf. The receptionist/security man quickly got up from his desk saying, "no, no, not again. You can't come in here! This is a private institution!" Apparently this creature regularly came into the lobby to harangue the captive audience about "racism."
"Ah wood likes to buy a home in a nice sekshun, but dee white man wont let me! I wood like to apply fo' a job but dee white man wont let me! Ah wood like to write a cook book but dee white man wont let me! Ah wood like t' go to college but dee white man wont let me. Raycism be running n' ruinin' mah life cos dee white man beez a devil from hell! Dee white man beez buildin atom bombs n' shit while the [email protected] chirren be starvin......" On and on and on like a broken robot, and all the while rapid arm and hand movements.
The security guard told it to leave and when it didn't go, he hauled off and slap punched her in the side of the head. The contact made a sound like, Ponnk!, but she didn't go down. She stepped back and said, "You should go back to your own country" (he was some kind of latino) then hurried out the revolving door. The security guard apologized for the disturbance and all went back to normal.
Coontact Tale #1,090 (01-07-2008)
One liner I've used: please add your own!
I've used this at least a dozen times in the shitty part of town I used to work, and even pulled it on the same dumb drunk nigger twice!
"Hey, U hab a dolla?"
[smile big, keep walking]"Yeah, they give me hundreds of them every week where I work! Amazing! See ya!"
Coontact Tale #1,091 (01-07-2008)
Red Lobster Chimpout
This actually happened to my girlfriend tonight, but since I work with
computers my coontacts are rare indeed so I thought I might be allowed to share
My girl waits tables part-time at a Black Lobster in Philly, and as you might imagine the "guests" are 90% Shitdermis Africanus (how she stands waiting on these beasts is beyond me--she's new to coontact and hasn't figured out that the problems they create aren't "isolated cases").
Anyway, she had a table tonight consisting of two sows, a buck, and a few niglets. They ordered two meals total ("we wan' extra bizcuts"), one coke, and water all around. Of course, they all drank off the coke so it was refilled every 30 seconds, and they supplemented the free biscuits with loads of free butter.
When the time to pay came, they left the check holder on the table and made for the door. My girlfriend has learned enough about TNB that she ran over to make sure they had paid the bill and of course they had left about twenty bucks less than what was owed.
When my girl caught one of the sows in the lobby and demanded the rest of the money, the sow bitched, yelled, demanded to see a manager ("she tryin' make me pay muh bill!"), and then finally yelled out, and I quote:
"Ya'll 'bout to see the nigger in me come out!"
I wish one of us here had been there to point out that it was actually the inner chimp that was putting in an appearance, the nigger was there all along.
When the sow was threatened with the police, she finally, and reluctantly, pulled a tube sock from her purse (yes, you read that right), and removed a $100 bill from the sock to pay the remainder. And of course, being a niggger, she didn't tip.
Thank your God or Gods you don't have to serve niggers!
What's funny is, my girlfriend acknowledges that the restaurant if always busiest on the first and fifteenth of the monf, when the apes get their welfare checks!
Coontact Tale #1,092 (01-07-2008)
Pair of Niggers crash my party.
So I had a party for my girlfriend at my place, everything is well and all when 2 random Niggers show up , a male and a female. So everyone is asking each other who the fuck this niggers are? Being the only niggers there present, So I go up to them asking them who they were with.
The damn nigger has the courage to tell me he with one of my Friends, who was in my front porch at the moment. So I go to the porch to ask him, and he tells me he doesn't know them, They just talked to him when they walked in.
So I go back and tell them I can't have Stranger in my house and if they don't know anybody here they have to leave. He's like NAH man I'm Cool I'm turning 40 today, Imnot trash yo houz, Ima not bring otha black people.
In my head i'm like "Damn right your not bringing any more niggers to my house. The female immediatly got offended and walked outside, Damn right bitch thats what happens when you randomly show up to peoples houses. So after that the nigger left and we continued our party.
What the fuck is wrong with this niggers? This isn't a open party to come freeload our Beer and food. Fucking niggers.
Coontact Tale #1,093 (01-07-2008)
Grandma and Niggers
Is is great to talk to our elders and ask about their experiences, as you will find out, niggers haven't evolved since then either.
Before my Grandmother passed, we sat for hours drinking coffee and talking about her life in Miami in the 40's and 50's. My Grandparents owned a shoe store in a mixed neighborhood and to pay consideration to the locals, they frequently hired niggers. Many times my Grandfather had to encounter TNB such as break up knife fights and thievery. He got tot he point that he sold that store and moved to Miami Beach where it was predominantly white. They just couldn't take it anymore. She told me that the she would frequently catch the she-boons with home-made shivs, mostly sharpened steel afro-picks and utensils and of how niggers would prefer to enact their violence at the workplace against each other. For every one decent (for lack of a better word) nig they hired, there were 5 that were hardened criminals.
My Grandmother never cursed or used the word nigger but she clearly had her experiences with them. Many times my grandparents would vacation Haiti to visit artists and he would tell me of their TNB experiences there too. I remember how as a kid I saw no difference between Haitian nigs and US TNB.
My Grandparents, like myself have always tried to show compassion to all people and have been unjustly "rewarded" by niggers worst of all.
Coontact Tale #1,094 (01-08-2008)
The Monkey's Paw
About a year ago, a friend and I were enjoying beers at our local bar
when a skinny, greasy buck walks in and perches beside us, even though the rest
of the seats at the bar were empty (it was early).
"You work at da fackry?" the nigger asked my friend, noticing he wore the uniform of a nearby manufacturing plant.
"Ya'll hirin?" Using typical nigger logic, the beast had come into a bar to apply for a job at a factory.
"Man, I'm a hard muh-fuhn worker. You can tell 'em hire me."
Getting no response, the nigger thrusts out his hands to make his point.
"Looga dese hands," he says to my friend. "Dese is workin' man's hands. Looga dese hands, tell me whachoo see."
"I dunno..." my friend says, inspecting the creature's paws. "Gibbon? Rhesus? Capuchin?"
I try hard not to laugh as I don't want to see a chimp-out, but I can't hold it back and burst out laughing uncontrollably.
The nigger pauses. Uh-oh, I think, here it comes.
Much to my astonishment, the nigger joined me, laughing politely if tentatively--or at least making the sounds that are the nigger equivalent of human laughter.
After some more begging for a job, the ape finished his beer and left (I assume he only had money for one). It was then that I realized why the nigger hadn't chimped out.
The jigaboo had never heard the words gibbon, rhesus, or capuchin, having always addressed these three species as uncle, cousin, or father-in-law, etc.
Rather than admit his stupidity, he laughed with us assuming the words weren't insulting.
My friend told me that, being an experienced Niggermaniac from Rhodesia, he knew the beast would not understand what the words meant.
Goes to show, you can never underestimate the stupidity of a nigger.
Coontact Tale #1,095 (01-09-2008)
Safe driving in the safari
I had this posted in my other coontact post but it was very long so I decided to make a new thread with tips on how to be as safe as possible if you absolutely have to drive through a niggerhood. These are all things I have learned either from books or personal experience.
CAUTION: IT IS VERY DANGEROUS TO DRIVE INTO NIGGERVILLE. NEVER DO THIS FOR FUN, THIS IS ONLY FOR IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.
The safest thing you can do is avoid niggerhoods whenever possible.
-always carry: a gun is best but you may be in a city that doesn't allow this so the next best thing (next to hickory) is a metal pipe between yourself and the door. also mace is a good thing, as well as my favorite a chinese star to throw at potential dangers from a distance. With very little practice you will see that it can even stick into a car door, break a window, or slow down even the biggest of niggers.
-Keep your seatbelt off!: this may sound like an invitation to get pulled over however in most niggerfuxed towns the police could care less about your seatbelt because they know there is a worse death than a car accident. I read this in a security handbook. you never know when you may need to exit your vehicle in a hurry to defend yourself. it is very hard to defend yourself while sitting in a car, you may need to stand up for self defense.
-always leave room: never tailgate, and especially at stop lights or stop signs even. If you see a threat coming your way you will need to get out of there as fast as possible so leave enough room to turn your car out from behind the car in front of you.
-Don't stop!: I don't run lights in Chicago but I do roll through stop signs when niggers or niggers on wheels are near. I used to have to drive through scary Gary (indiana) every weekend and I found out you don't need to stop at stop lights or stop signs. I got pulled over once for running a red light right in front of a police officer (he was behind me). I explained that when there are hoodlums near the intersection I look both ways for cross traffic then continue on to avoid being robbed. He told me that was fine and that because of my skin color I should try to avoid that area.
-Don't look scared: eye contact with a feral beast will be like an invitation to come fuck with you as well as staring straight ahead looking scared. I always keep my eyes and head moving and make sure if there is a nigger around I look at it's pockets instead of it's head. I think this shows them that you are on to them and that you are prepared for whatever they have in their pockets (guns, knives, drugs)
-know where you are: If you absolutely have to drive into or through a niggerhood make sure you know the area and have escape routes. even if you have never been there have a map or study a map before leaving.you may need to get off of your route because of construction or nigger hazard and you really don't need to get lost or end up on a dead end road in niggerville. Dead end roads are favored by the drug selling nigger beast because it is harder for their rivals and police to sneak up and ambush them.
-never go to the local stop and rob: I don't care if you haven't had a drink in days and are dying of dehydration, If you are addicted to ciggarettes (like myself) and haven't had a smoke in weeks Don't go to the gas station or "convenience store". You WILL be accosted by crack head who has been waiting all day for your white ass to show up, or robbed and shot by the local thug. AVOID THE GROIDS!
-if you're stopped and a nigger points a gun at you, take off. The angle gets harder and harder to make a hit the further you are away from the nigger, slam that gas, and steer straight.
The best thing to do though is drive around the niggerhood if possible. your life is worth more than saving a little bit of time. I Do have a few other tips but I posted what I thought would be a good start. If anyone has anything to add besides the obvious of avoiding niggerhood all together, I would enjoy the input. I hope you all have safe travels wherever you may go and hopefully not have to drive through the safari.
The only thing I'd add to what you've said is:
If you get rear-ended in a niggerhood, floor it and drive away. The spook that hit you won't have insurance anyway, and most likely it's a prelude to a robbery.
Learn how to perform a J-turn. This can be invaluable in parking lots or other situations where niggers might try to box you in from the front.
When it comes to pepper spray, don't use the foam. Many niggers have learned to fling the foam back at the police/security guard who sprayed them.
NEVER HESITATE TO RUN OVER A NIGGER if it's the only way to get out of danger. With any luck, your car will become like "Christine" and start hunting niggers on its own!
Hit and Run:In most states it is legal to drive off and go to a police station if you are in an accident and feel unsafe. Niggers don't have insurance and will always blame you no matter what. most of the time they will become angry and try to fight you. Since the nigger beast is a pack animal the others in the area will most likely join in and try to mob on you. Just try to get the license plate number and go to the police station if you can.
Don't foot it: If you are stranded because of someone you where with by all means flag down a police officer and at least get a ride to the station so you can get picked up. In my area not long ago a police officer dropped a human (homeless man) off in the niggerhood to try to teach him a lesson and the human not only got robbed, after being robbed a different group of niggers put him in a trash can and burned him alive. The man was homeless because he lost everything in the stock market after 9/11. of course the officer was a nigger and only got fired, no jail-time.
Coontact Tale #1,096 (01-11-2008)
She-boon attempts ATM withdrawal
Love niggermania! OK, this is my first post, hope it's not a repeat.
Just had to share my story after being entertained by so many others. This coontact
happened several years ago. I was gambling at a casino, and of course, promptly
lost all my money. So I made my way over to the ATM, so I could win my money
back (yeh, right). I was about third in line; there was a she-boon at the controls,
attempting to make a withdrawal. Well, she was having some kind of problems,
of course, as she was taking a long time. Meanwhile, the line is getting longer
and longer, with impatient gamblers starting to grumble about what's taking
so long. The she-boon kept saying something like "I's be doin it right
it's not gibbin me mys money" or something like that. I figured she either
stole the card or else was too stupid to operate the machine. Well, after what
seemed like forever, but was probably more like 5 minutes, she finally gave
up and went to the end of the line.
But in the meantime, since I was growing more curious as to what was going on, I glanced at the screen to see what was hapnin' - sho' nuff, the bitch was stupid (surprise)- right there on the screen was the message "PLEASE ENTER WITHDRAWAL AMOUNT IN MULTIPLES OF $20.00"
The stupid coon was trying to withdraw $50.00 from a machine loaded with 20's and 100's! How can anyone be so dumb? Maybe in addition to English and Spanish, there should be an Ebonics option "Yo bitch, bes be frontin dem Jacksons!" Or, better yet, there could be separate machines just for jigaboos- it would have to be simple, only one button "Gibs me alls eeys gots comin"
and have it dispense nickels and quarters
Coontact Tale #1,097 (01-12-2008)
I went to my first 'theft deterrent' training the other night, and thought everything went well...BUT as everyone knows, NOTHING can be ok if a stinking nigger is involved.
Sto manager comes up last night right about the time I was clocking out. Wanted to know if he could have a word with me about the training class. I figured he wanted to know how it went, if it was going to help that kinda thing. So we heads back to his office and he ax's how things went, I told him it went well, thought it would be something useful. He said "was there any black people there?" I knew he knew there was but I went along. "Yeah, there was some thre why do you ask?" Apparently one of the she groids call Niggermart's HR dept and complained that the trainer was being.....everyone all at once...
He wouldn't elaborate on which one it was but my gut tells me it was the one he put on her ass, course with niggers you never know. He ax's me if I'll keep an eye out this time and let him know personally if I see the instructor being racist towards these worthless niggers. I told him "Sure thing" but know deep in my heart that I'm not doing anything.
Coontact Tale #1,098 (01-13-2008)
2 memorable ones from the last week
I have so much coontact from day to day at CVS that only the "best"
ones stay in my mind long enough to register
the first one happened monday, a rather dumb(even for a nigger) shitskin bought a bottle of primatene mist and came back in 3 count em three times trying to figure out how to make it work.(the first time he had the nozzle on upside down, the second he was trying to use it upside down and for the third one i had to show it how to push the trigger)
the second one is kinda tragic. its the first of the month and as usual the niggers come out in droves to get their "free" prescriptions. There was this 20+ year old retarded buck (yes i know its redundant, but this one really is retarded) and his momma's current fling wandering around while mammy was waitning on its scrips in the pharmacy. anyway "lenny" saw the kodak kiosk beside my register and starting getting all agitated, so its "guardian" brought him over to me and axed the following question, "can you take the background out of this picture?" and produced an olan mills portrait of "lenny" whereupon I informed him that #1, we cannot reproduce copyrighted works, and #2 we dont have the equipment to remove backgrounds. so the "guardian" actually said thank you and started leading "lenny" out of the store when "lenny" got real agitated and started screaming "yed dey can yed dey can" over and over getting louder and louder each time. after the fourth repitition, his "guardian" slapped it in the side of the head and told him to shut up and physically hauled it to the car. Now I was tempted to call the police, but figured what the hell, the "guardian" is just being a nigger
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