Chapter II | Coontact Menu

Coontact Tale #1

This isn't my funniest black outburst, but it's fresh in my mind.

I just got back from lunch at a sandwich shop. I was sitting there eating and a black lady and white dude walk in. They order and she heads right to the counter where the sandwiches are being made.

She oversees the work and proceeds barking orders "no, doan be usin no mayonaise" "spread those tomatos out" etc. The mexican worker flashes her a look and she flew off the handle. "I'm YO customer, doan be givin me no dirty look, you can give me my money back and I'll give you yo drink and chips back!" Her credulous companion shrank away like whites tend to whenever a water-buffalo goes off.

She then scanned the restaurant to witness the effect of her confrontation. I was the only one grinning ear-to-ear. I knew she was too spent to come confront me, besides I would have mocked her with things like "chiiiiile you better rec-og-nize!" and "why you put me on front street?". She got her money and left.

It left me thinking about culture shock and how blacks on average are confrontational and Mexicans are shifty and sneaky, they're pretty much evenly numbered as minorities picking on whiteys broken carcass. So expect more fun to come.

Coontact Tale #2

When I worked retail I had this black woman ask me a question and she didn't like my answer. She started to yell that she was the customer and "money talks". I responded by saying Food stamps don't say shit. Yes I was fired but it was worth it.

Niggers typically think of foodstamps as real money. Our foreign friends should know that foodstamps are a form of vouchers given out to non-working niggers to pay for basic food. Of course, the niggers being niggers, often exchange foodstamps for 50 cents on the dollar so they can purchase 40 oz. liquor, cigarettes and illegal drugs.

Coontact Tale #3

I was in a movie watching "The Transporter". 2 ladies behind us who had seen it before begin discussing the upcoming scenes. Before I could do it, a fat dumpy old man said "Do you mind?"

The heffalumps turned around to him and said "I payed mah 8 dollars, why dont choo juss turn your white bald head back to the screen" Then they began discussing how racist white folks are, and how THEY were going to get the manager.

I am convinced when I see practices like this, that some people in that community are so self centered

Not just self centered but exhibiting TNB or "Typical Nigger Behavior"

Coontact Tale #4

Let's see, my favorite black outburst....

About 2 years ago I was in a Lowe's (hardware) store. There were 2 hoodlum niglets (around 10 and 13) acting like total animals, whooping and screaming, pushing carts around hitting people, shelves and other carts. The manager comes along and tells the black mammy to keep her kids under control, she starts telling him, 'shut the fuck up, you can't be telling me how to raise my kids, ect, ect..." Well, the welfare puppy pumper let the glits run amok, the manager calls the police. Meanwhile the oldest niglet is standing in one of the carts with the little glit pushing it around. The little niglet stops pushing and the oldest one goes to do a Shaquille Oneil jump from the cart. He jumps, pushes off, the cart whisks out from under his feet, he hangs his toe on the front of the cart, and promptly lands on his forehead on the concrete floor. The little fucker has a gash OVER 2 inches long on his forehead gushing blood like a broken fire hydrant. He is out cold on the floor unconscious. The police arrive about this time, the nigra mammy is screaming and hollering about her baby, the police call an ambulance for the downed wildebeast. The mammy is screaming about how she is going to sue them, EMS takes the wounded glit and it's mammy away. The manager tells the police all about the incident, me and several others sign affidavits stating that she was warned to get her children under control several times and basically told the management to fuck off. The police took the surveilance video as evidence. The nigra mammy didn't get shit in court, the judge threw the case out when he read all our affidavits, even threatened action against her lawyer!

The sight of that monkey on the floor and the mammy screaming was hilarious!

Wonder why the cops called an ambulance? Everyone knows you can't hurt a nigger by hitting them in the head.

Coontact Tale #5

Today my girlfriend and I were at Kentucky fried chicken eating lunch. And in walks a huge nigger bitch with six niglets!

Well the niggers had ordered the buffet, or so i had thought.

The fat welfare whore had payed for one buffet and was trying to feed herself and six niglets. But there was sign that said "No Sharing" A few minutes later one of the younger girls who worked there politely told the nigger, (I'm sorry but we have a policy against sharing) The fat ass nigger just sit there like she didn't even hear the girl.

A minute or so later the manager came over and ask this nigger (How many buffets she had payed for?)

She said. it's don't matta how many buffets i's payed fo, We cames here to eats and dats wat we's gonna do.

Well i'm hear to tell you, The manager was pissed! You could see it in his face.

He looks around and sees the niglets grabbing food out the buffet bar, Hell the niglets were going through all of the chicken in the pans putting some back, one of the little bastards put his hand down in the macaroni salad.

The manager told the nigger that he was going to give her money back, And that they would have to leave.

The nigger bitch sit there stuffing her face and said, (I's ain't going any where) The manager said I'm calling the police!! Up jumps the nigger and gathers the niglets and runs to the cash register and says refunds my's money!! The manger gave her money back, To get the fat nigger out. But as she was walking out of the door, She starts hollowing racism!! I'm going sue this damn place..bla bla bla...

This sort of behavior is all so typical of TNB! Having been on the public dole for most of their lives most niggers have come to believe they are actually worth something when we know they are worth nothing.

Coontact Tale #6

From a mechanic I know:

Well, today has been a banner day for the observation of TNB (typical nigger behavior) here. I drove over to pick up a car to change the oil and filter in it.

As I drove up North Main Street, I observed a typical 'fro mobile (TFM) pulling out of the gas station. Suddenly the left front dropped, sparks flew, and the wheel went rolling down the street. 5 or 6 nogs jumped out of this 'low-rider' Celebrity (TFM, 100 dollar car with 1500 worth of tires and wheels (gold, of course) and a 2500 stereo system).

All gathered at the left front of the car and started the typical 'oonga-boonga' gibbering. Laughing, I continued on to my customer's home, picked up her Grand Am, and drove back to the shop. On the way, I observed:

6-8 nogs, all with caps on backwards, attempting to get a jack under the TFM, which of course was setting on the hub, too low to get a jack underneath.

Laughing out loud, I proceeded to my shop, changed the oil and filter, and started back to my customer's home with her car. Surprise! (not really);

Traffic is now backed up a block and a half, so I pulled into the service station to watch the sideshow. Now the driver and one of the other liver-lips get into an arguement over how to repair the damaged threads on the wheel lugs. One of them is trying to beat the lug nut onto the stud with a tire tool, the other is trying to tighten one down with (honest to God) a Crescent wrench! Pretty soon the inevitable happens...the blue-gummed tire-tool wielder smacks the crescent-wrench turner with the tire tool. They get into a fist-fight. Then the hoes pile on. Soon 10-12 bro's, hoe's, and *******s are having a free for all in the middle of Main Street.

Someone must have had 911 dialed on a cell-phone and his thumb on the 'send' button, cause within moments, 6 cop-cars appeared. Instant dispersal! Over cars, over fences, into bushes. Just the two original antagonists are left. Cops arrest them.

As I drove home after dropping the car off, I observed my friendly tow-truck driver winching the nog-mobile onto his flatbed, minus the wheel (somebody stole it during the melee). As the underside of the Celebrity scraped and screeched up the bed of the truck, tearing off the exhaust and puncturing the oil and transmission pans, he said to me; 'Damn, now I have to go by the car-wash on the way home, or my truck will smell like niggers all week!'.

I saw this actually happen once. Some niggers niggermobile had a dead battery so a gang of about six gorillacoons started pushing this car in order to get it started and complete a run to the liquor store. Huffing and puffing they would get the niggermobile up to about three miles an hour at which point the driver gorilla would turn the key on the ignition in an attempt to start it. (Damn automatic transmissions, you can never overestimate the stupidity of the typical Negro.)

Coontact Tale #7

Ok, this is from a cop friend of mine:

He was with a rookie on a domestic disturbance call. He goes into this hovel and inside he sees the usual 20 niggers, the mammie, the aunties and the 35 year old great-great grandma all jammed into a 2000 square foot shithole covered with animal feces.

Anywho, one of the 14 year old broodmares goes into labor and shits out another criminal. The goddamn after-birth shoots out of her filthy womb and onto the floor.

No shit..

Gets worse.

The fucking dog goes over to after-birth and starts to fucking eat it.

The simian 35 year-old great-great grandma see this and vomits.

When she vomits, her goddamn green and brown dentures come out of her mouth and into the pile o'puke on the floor.

The rookie passed out cold.

"35 year old great-great grandma". What can I say? Bwahaha!

Coontact Tale #8

From a teacher I know:

I was teaching in a public 'nigger' skewl a few years ago. There was this 17 year old coon in my first period class. What an asshole he was, coming into class high on crack all the time. Turning over desks. Talking nigger shit. One morning he came in and announced to everybody that he was going to fart the loudest fart anybody has ever heard. He walked over to the front of the class, bent over, and this brown patch forms on his pretty white pants in front of everybody.

You should have seen this coon grab his ass and hit the door running. The whole class was on the floor laughing and holding their noses. Took forever to get the smell of shit out of my classroom. The best part about it was when the next class came in and asked why the room smelled like shit, I told them exactly what happened. Guess what? I never saw this nigger again. I suppose he dropped out.

Why on earth do we even waste the time attempting to edumacate niggers in the first place? Send them to skule and what do they do? The attempt to eat the teacher.

Coontact Tale #9

Took my kids to McDonalds and was standing in line behind a big ole Sistah and heard her telling the little counter boy, "doan gimme none of them cold fries, gimme some fresh out tha grease!"

I had to bite my lip.

We know how this is, everyone sees it everyday. It is called TNB.

Coontact Tale #10

You know, niggers constantly amaze me as to the depths of total niggerness they will subject themselves to in day-to-day living.

I went to an Albertson's Supermarket to pick up some milk, bread, and some specialty cheese that I like. When I walked into the store, I grabbed a cart, and began pushing it through the maze that was set-up by the grocery store.

I ran first across the shelf that offered the best seller books, and then made my way into the Deli section that was intentionally set up to be the shoppers' first visit.

After turning the corner into the Deli section, I immediately saw three niggers. Two of them were in one of those self-powered carts that you can get as an handicapped person, and the other one was about 13 years old, and able to walk onhis own. They were surrounding the free "Taste this!" island that had many presentations of food that Albertson's was selling. The two niggers in the self-propelled carts were making loud sucking noises as they repeatedly dipped their fingers into the food, and then brought the morsels into their mouths. The young nigger was on the opposite side of the samples, and scooping the free food into his mandibles as he and his relatives masticated the free food in the isle.

I usually like to buy the Cole slaw from the deli, but this scene made me sick, and I was only able to buy milk, and some English muffins. I am NOT exaggerating the truth when I say that the main nigger momma had to be about 90" across, her other motor cart man was only a few inches smaller. The young nigger was about 13, and wearing pants that had to be at least 40" in diameter.

There these niggers were, making loud slurping noises while they shoveled this free food into their pies. No embarrassment, no apologies as I pulled my cart near their animalistic feeding frenzy, nothing...

Thank GOD I am white, and thank GOD I don't belong to a race that feels that this kind of behavior is normal.

All I can say is that Niggers are Niggers, and no matter WHAT these bongo-busters might post, when they look at the REAL facts, they are, indeed, niggers.

So, as I live my very happy life, remember, I am NOT a nigger, and all of these niggers know the difference.

Post whatever you like to promote your race as being at the very least "normal", but you all know, deep in your hearts, that you are all just niggers.

Amen brother! I can not stomach watching niggers eat! Watching niggers eat is like watching them shit backwards.

Coontact Tale #11

I was in our local wal-mart and was going down a row. I heard a big arguement occurring, just by the noise that was being made, I knew it was a nigger(Nature of the Nigger).

It seems that this nigger was looking at goods in the hair department and some how had shot itself in the eye with a rubberband. One would think that Klan had dropped kicked the nog in the butt, with all the noise coming from this tree ape. Management asked the nog what had occurred, and the nigger replied, that I was trying on the rubberband and it shots me in the eye. Management asked this nog if it took the band from the sealed container, the nigger said, sure I wanted it. The nigger said that the folks in the dollar store don;t never mind ifs we takes things like that. The manager asked the nigger if she was going to pay for it, and the nigger said, ifs I got to pay for it, I don't want it. she then walked out of the store. TYHN (typical ygly head nigger), after the nigger found out she was going to have to pay for something, her eye quite hurting. It probably left and went to the dollar store to steal something, nature of the nigger, and yes she the nigger was doing the niggerstanding when confronted with stealing.

I don't see anything wrong with this type of behavior and would attribute it to being the white mans fault. Back when slavery was legal the niggers massa provided everything his niggers needed be it food, shelter, clothing or veterinary services. This feeling of entitlement has stayed with the nigger for generations past.

Coontact Tale #12

I worked at Nordstrom's throughout college. I can tell you guys that at any given time, there are 2-3 undercover store cops on the floor and they security cameras and shit they have all over the store are pretty keen at catching shoplifters. Anyhow, one afternoon, bored out of my mind, I'm standing on the floor waiting to make a sale, when all of the sudden this commotion starts about 40 feet away. This extremely large Black woman who was pushing close to 300 hundred pounds was apprehended by two store undercover security people. The deal was, you escort them politely off the floor, while drawning as little attention as possible. Anyhow, this woman was screaming all kinds of stuff; "Racist" this and "Discrimination" that. but the keeper was;


Everyone in the store who was within earshot heard this, and even the Piano player fucked up what he was playing, and this dude was a great Pianist, too.

To this day, it still cracks me up.

Niggers are so gross whenever it comes around to bodily functions.

Coontact Tale #13

I'm in Carl's Jr. for breakfast. Carl's is the most sedate of the fast food places but this morning: In walks a black couple in their 20s. They get one small drink between them and start attacking the salad bar. She is wearing a sports bra with the bottom one inch of one tit showing. She was actually in pretty good shape, not one of the shapeless ones.

Anyway I'm sitting their sorta stunned. The male gorilla walks by with the water cup and dips it into the cottage cheese.

I'm about ready to take off at this point, they finally leave, the manager and assistant are standing by the salad bar talking like maybe deciding if they need to clean the whole contaminated mess out and start over.

I take off and see the dusky pair sitting on the hood of some ancient dinosaur car laughing it up, in the fashion of their people.

I was totally grossed out. I mean, I think taking a sample cheese cube on each end of a toothpick is pushing it.

What REALLY pisses me off is that well mannered Blacks won't speak up about this shit. Like if Oprah were to say, act like a N****r and you will get treated like one, or if Jesse Jackson did, it might actually make a diff, though probably they would get a shitstorm of abuse for selling out to white people.

I was on the train in Portland (the Max) and this black woman and her two kids (one is probably 4, the other 9-10) get on. She is swearing at them non-stop. Like, "You better get the fuck away from the door" and shit like that. So this fat white guy says something like "You know, you shouldn't speak to your children like that" and she just goes apeshit. "You fucking don't tell me how to raise my kids. They didn't come out of your pussy!"

Her kids just look frightened. Finally, a black woman next to me says, "sister, please" and the woman finally calms down and leaves on the next stop.

Another time, a young black couple are on the train. They have a young son (maybe 4). The teenage guy is 'playing' with him, but hitting him pretty hard for a kid, and saying shit like "don't fuck with me!" like its a game.

His friend asks if his girlfriend is pregnant, he goes "not yet!". The whole train lets out a groan at the same time.

Coontact Tale #14

You ever notice when you go into a government building the "receptionist" is usually some butt ugly Gorillacoon? I swear to god, they all wear the same uniform!

Today's uniform was kinkie hair where a tuft has been dipped into a bottle of peroxide to give it that blond look with red roots as it gets closer to the scalp?

Fucking bitch looks like she slicked it back with axle grease.

Gold earings, big gold earings that looked like stolen Cadillac hood ornaments that had been gold plated.

White pearl necklace. Big pearls the size of billiard balls.

Red and black sweater (and it is hot here, really hot, this time of year) over a white blouse that is four sizes to small.

Maroon, bright red maroon, ski pants. Tight as shit and she made the pants look like they were full of shit too. The pants were 6 sizes to small. Crack whore stood about 5 feet two inches tall and had to weigh in at 240 lbs.

Black leather shoes all scuffed to shit but the soles of her feet were flat and she could kind of skate along on the floor.

This is what I had to deal with.

When I got there she was talking to a boyfriend and looked disgusted that I would come in and interupt her social life. Told her what I wanted to do (write a check, sign a document) and she looked at the clock "It bez 4:20 nows an I dunno if you can gets that all dun befo I leaves at 5:00 oclocks". Then shuffles off to find her "supervisor".

After getting something to drink and a snack (fucking twinkie or some other kind of soul food) she finally calls a supervisor. Supervisor comes out, gives me the form, takes my check and is out of there in 2 minutes.

The nigger stood there in stupified niggerstanding but the supervisor (very nice white lady) looked at me, rolled her eyes and slightly shook her head then bid me a good day.

Niggerstanding... amazing!

Coontact Tale #15

Not sure if this qualifies as an outburst.

Yesterday, I was in line at the school bookstore to buy my $250 neurobiology book. Of course, there's 3 eggplants behind 3 registers but only one is working a register. The other two are talking on cell phones (I think to each other).

The line, of course, is moving so slow people are returning shit to the shelves and leaving. Finally, it's my turn. As she's taking her sweet-ass time, I notice a couple of things.

First, of course, is her malodorous flesh. Second, is what I at first thought was an enormous amount of dandruff on her head and shoulders.

Upon closer inspection (remember, it took her 10 minutes to ring up a fucking book) I realized it wasn't dandruff.


Her entire head and shoulders were fucking crawling with these squirmy things. It was the first time I had seen head lice and I almost pass out. Seriously, as soon as I saw this I felt the blood leave my head.

Fucking sick. I almost didn't accept the change she was handing back to me.

Coontact Tale #16

I live in the District of Columbia, so afro-American outbursts aren’’t really all that unique. Anyway, about three years ago I was walking to a club area (Adams Morgan) with a bunch of friends and we stopped to wait for a traffic light (something only white DC residents do) and we hear this guy from behind us say something like: ““wait right there, I wants to hab a word wit ya bout some business.””

So we turn around and there is this older black crack head guy in typical ratty street clothes squatted about 10 feet away from us next to some stairs, right on the sidewalk. He is literally blowing mud all over some yuppies cement stairwell. Real geyser style diarrhea, punctuated with loud booming farts. The shit is splashing all aver the stairs and he is doing this while making eye contact with us and nodding.

I didn’’t know whether to laugh or vomit. As we are all standing there slack-jawed he pulls up his pants and starts ambulating toward us. We ran away in horror as he called us all sorts of horrible names…… mostly ““white devil”” ““racist”” the usual sobriquets.

Coontact Tale #17

This was in the parking lot of the old Emporium on San Pablo just across the El Cerrito line (for you Berkeley/East Bay tards):

Two trashy looking dusky ladies are trying to herd there young (only two, a point in their favor) who of course are running all over the place in the traffic aisle of the parking lot. Not so dangerous because Emporium is practically out of business.

Anyway, this middle aged white guy stops in the traffic aisle about 50 feet away to give them time to get across and on the sidewalk, and one of the Nubians starts screaming at him, "Mother fuck, mother fuck."

Not mother fucker, but mother fuck.

I assume she was mad at him for stopping so far back and not charging up to within six inches of the *******s. He was implying that she was not in total control of her negroid offspring.

Coontact Tale #18

Well, this isn't actually a "black" outburst, but sort of related...

One of my friend's grandparents lived in a predomninantly black neighborhood (they are white). One day a black minister came to the door, trying to preach to them. My friend's grandfather let him in and listened to what he had to say for a while. Eventually the black minister asks my friend's grandfather "What do you think about black on black murders?"

my friend's grandfather said (deadpan) "I think they're great."

heh. I think the minister left pretty quickly after that.

Coontact Tale #19

Nowhere near as funny as the other posts, but here's Micheal's story.

I was in a group that had just been hired for a project. At training, the client is overviewing policies, marketing, etc. The first thing out of Micheal's mouth, "I wanna know how much of an expense account do I get?"

About two weeks later, Micheal went out and spent $300 on breakfast for all his friend with the expense account! After that, ALL the expense accounts were cut from the program.

Micheal was also the first in line to reccommend his friend ( with NO relavent job experience )get hired ( and was ), first to whine about not having medical insurance paid by the company upon hire, exploited the medical benefits within a day of receiving them, NEVER lifted a finger while the group was doing physical work, and the first to accuse ANYONE of incompetance. A complete idiot, and it was obvious from the first en minutes. Why he was hired -- and retained --- is beyond me.

PS. Micheal's friend was fired within a month.

Coontact Tale #20

Old cop friend of mine told me a story about showing up at the scene of a shooting (black on black) and the crowd gathered round as he and his partner attempted to administer first aid until the ambulance shows up.

The crowd starts getting restless and demanding that they save the shooting victim.

Basically, it would be the cops fault if the guy dies.

My friend was holding the guy as his life leaked out and he looked up at my friend blinking as his lights went out.

My friend told me he felt like Jane Goodall.

Coontact Tale #21

My best friend is a City Police officer. He is a partyer and he refuses to be a hypocrite by hasseling other partyers.

He arrrives on a call of an auto accident to find a Nigmobile that had climbed a high tension telephone pole support wire. (The cable that runs 90 deg from the pole to the ground) SO you got this Nigmobile with its nose in the air and the driver is still in the car.

He helps the guy open his door and gets him to the ground. At this point he notices he smells like shit.

The boon was drunk as a monkey and had shit and pissed himself. When my friend took him in for DUI, the mans defense?..find common ground.

"Yooz a man...Eyezz a man...C'mon"

This phrase is lives on in the department 15 years later.

This is the only DUI arrest my pal has made in his 15 year history as a cop.

Coontact Tale #22

Don't know if it was actually funny, but it most definitely left a searing image in my mind that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I was absolutely piss-hung over one really hot summer morning about 10 years ago and on my way to visit a client on 48th & 3rd Ave. (There's a promenade outside the building)

Decided to sit for a few minutes with an ice coffee and noticed a huge (we're talking 300 + pounds) black homeless woman eating something out of a tupper ware container, food smeared all over her hair and face and laughing uncontrollably as she ate with her hands.

She stops stuffing her face and just hikes up her ratty dress and proceeds to urinate all over herself, still laughing the whole time.

I hurled in the nearest garbage can.

Still creeps me out to this day.

Coontact Tale #23

I was on vacations. I was about to take an Amtrak train, at 9:00 PM, and...

A group of niggers are standing close. I don't like being next to niggergangs, so I keep my distance. I thought maybe the train station was a good idea - not so. The niggers are walking towards it. So I go to the other side, and sit on a bench in a well-lit street.

Anyway, the niggers start talking trash. The train station is already closed, and one of them has to go to the restroom. So the guy, at 9:00 PM, on a well lit street, while sober, simply drops his trousers and begins peeing on the station's door. He made sure to wet the door's handle. When he was finished, two other niggers took turns peeing on the door.

I felt pretty unsafe that day. I don't say all blacks are niggers, but niggers sure do suck.

Coontact Tale #24


About 5 years ago at christmas time it was SERIOUSLY raining out and my fiance and I were going to the mall for gifts. We parked next to this ghetto hooptie (all beat to fuck) that contained 2 extremely underdressed black women and 5 or 6 kids (including an infant)that are just not dressed for the weather but they are carrying TONS of gift bags. The car would not start so my fiance thought it would be nice to help them (she's soft on kids) so I say WTF. While I'm trying to figure out why the car will not start one of the women uses my cell to call her baby daddy to come get them, then she starts making all these calls on my phone like it was a fucking free service. Well all of this goes on for awhile until the baby daddies show up in a BRAND FUCKING NEW SUV with full leather jackets cell phones, and pagers on. Why the fuck to niggers make their women and children take the hooptie while they take the "bling bling" ride WTF??. Anywho, one of the guys makes a comment that they dont need any "dude" working on their car but since I'm already wet I can continue. I say fuck it and we get in the car and leave, no thanks no nothing from anyone.

It was worse in person, just trying to spare all the details

Coontact Tale #25

OK, peeps, two requests so here goes:

The old Emporium on San Pablo just over the city limits into El Cerrito.

Two colored babes with two kids. A point in their favor, only two, not six or eight.

They are headed for the entrance. The kids are of course all over the place, not following the adults in any fashion.

A white guy stops his car about 50 feet away to let everything calm down and get the kids out of the way.

The younger of the two Afro women starts screaming, not at the kids but at the driver of the car, "Mother fuck, mother fuck."

She did not scream "Mother fucker." She screamed "Mother fuck."

So my question was, did she yell because the white guy seemed afraid of them, or because he was implying she was a bad parent with no control over her kids?

Or just because of her general hatred of Whitey?

Coontact Tale #26

Years ago, I used to be a manager for one of those mall-based software/videogame stores. OK, it was Electronics Boutique. Anyway, one day, these two shady looking brovas walk into the store and start looking at the high priced software. Eyebrow raiser # 1 - poor, black ghetto trash doesn't purchase Borland C++ or Quark Express. Also, keep in mind that this was before the day when they had to empty everything on the store's floor to keep it from walking. And at the time, this store was considered to be in one of the more upscale malls. So my instincts & learned distrust of ghetto trash told me to keep my eyes glued to these 2. Good thing because brova # 1 picks up a full (not upgrade) version of some big $$ software package & brings it to the counter. Instead of trying to buy it with a stolen credit card, the dumb fuck tries to return it!

Brova#1: Yeah, I wanna return this. I ain't got no compoota but I do have a Sega Genesis so can I just get some games or a cash back?

Me: Um, I just saw you pick this up off the shelf and bring it to the counter. I thought you we're going to buy it.

Brova#1: Naw man, like I said I ain't got a compoota. Can I just get some games?

Me: No. As a matter of fact, why don't you just!

Brova: Fuckit. Aight then.

And he tries to leave with the software!

Me: Hey, you wanna leave that here and just leave?

Brova: Look man, I already said I bought this. Why don't you just give me my money back.

Me: Better yet, why don't I call mall security.

Brova: Fine! Whatever...

So I pick up the phone and call the security hotline when brova #2 starts calling me a racist/honkey/cracker etc and smaks the phone out of my hand! The assistant manager is pretty much pissing his pants but manages to grab this guy's arm and for some reason, pulls him over the counter! The other brova starts running out while brova #2 scrambles to get to his feet. In charge 2 pretty goddamn big security guards. One tackles the guy leaving the store and slams his head down on the very hard floor. The other guard grabs the scrambling-to-get-the-fuck-out brova and they start wrestling.

We are all very entertained at this point.

Out comes the mace and scrambling brova gets a face full of pepper while a very subdued & restrained brova #1 sits in the middle of the mall bleeding profusely.

2 State troopers soon enter the store and drag these to assholes away. I call my DM and she tells me to make a statement. We never press charges.

I quit soon thereafter to get a 9 - 5 job because retail, as we all know, sucks unholy ass. We visited this same mall over Christmas and it's pretty much been overrun with ghetto garbage like the aforementioned pieces of shit. Mass vacancies & dollar stores are the norm. 2 of the big name upscale anchor stores are closed. The entire place reeked of feces.

I thank God every day for my white skin. Every. Day.

Coontact Tale #27

I used to do fraud investigation for the debit card division of a major financial institution. it was my job to look through customers' accounts which were in dispute and try to figure out which items/purchase points were out of the norm for the particular customers and act accordingly. anyway, the number one thing that people bought on stolen debit cards - shoes. Somebody would go into a place and buy fifteen pairs of air jordans, or whatever the fuck ghetta sneakers with the blinking lights and fucked up colors, presumably to sell to their friends.

One mental giant bought license plates on a stolen card. No, they are never going to be able to figure out who did that

Coontact Tale #28

Re: The nigger with lice in her hair.

Weaves take time to build on top of a nigger's head so it is common for she-boons to wash their nappy hair once every two months. When sleeping, they will prop their heads aloft so as to not disturb the weave. To overcome the smell, they will occasionally use disinfectant and Lysol.

Coontact Tale #29

On 9/11, virtually all TV channels suspended regular programming for news. I flipped to BET television and saw some skanky crack ho trying to speak intelligently about Bin Laden. It was the funniest shit. Even the execs at BET should have known. I can't imagine why ANYONE, black or white, who'd prefer to get their news from this crack ho instead of CNN.

She was probably translating it appropriately for the average BET viewer.

"and you see dat plane? It finna drive right into da muhfuggun buildin. Why dey do dat?"

I remember watching CNN and a black guy was walking around with ashes all over him, It looked like he was trying to do a "whiteface" routing.

Coontact Tale #30

And here is an answer how to deal with niggers spewing forth bongo music from their niggermobiles.

Aaahh. But I've found a way to piss the niggers off with their own shit.

My Dodge Ram pickup is equipped a Borla cat-back dual exhaust. The V8 rumbles like a dragster. When some shitskins pull up next to me at a light with their 100,000 watt bongomaster on full-tilt I just lean on the accelerator. It's so damn loud the niggers can't hear their own bongo music and you can see the frustration overwhelm their little nigger minds. It's even better when I'm behind them because they look in the mirror and because of the height difference all they see is the NC Battle Flag license plate I have on the front of my truck.

You know the simians are sitting there saying "mo'fuggin redneck cracka" but won't do shit about it. Ha Ha, fuck them!

Coontact Tale #31

I travel constantly doing consulting work. I'm getting on an airplane in NY Kennedy, flying all the way to SanFran. I was supposed to be upgraded to first class, but end up switching flights at the last minute so I'm stuck in the back of the bus, and it is a packed flight. I get an aisle seat in the back of the plane. I sit down, and plane starts to fill up, but the middle seat beside me remains open. I'm thinking it's my lucky day. The door is closed and the plane is about to push back when... the door opens back up, and on gets this 300+ lb. black woman, and her 5-6 year old kid that she has somehow intimidated the gate agents into believing qualifies as a lapchild (2 years old or less). She comes to the back of the plane, and proceeds to sit her enormous ass beside me in the middle seat, with this huge kid sitting IN HER FUCKING LAP. I'm absolutely crushed. She stinks, the kid is just all over the place, kicking and screaming.

The flight attendants don't even wait for me to hit the call button, they're immediately on me, telling me they're trying to find a seat for me. I'm a platinum 2 million miler with American, and this shit isn't going to fly. They get the picture real quick.

Within a minute, they bounce a pilot who was sitting in first class up to the cockpit, and come tell me they've "found" a first class seat for me.

So this 300 pound woman now gets a free seat for her kid. But is she happy with this? Is she greatful that this monstrosity doesn't have to sit on her lap for 5 fucking hours? No... she starts to holler and ask why SHE doesn't get to sit in first class intead of me, and that this is racist, and that they wouldn't ever let a black woman in first class, no sir, no way, only whitey in a fancy suit gets up there blah. The flight attendants just roll their eyes and I head to the front of the bus for an uneventful flight west. I can only imagine what a nightmare that would have been had I actually been stuck there.

Coontact Tale #32

My Dad told me a story about back in the fifties, when he played softball in an informal after-work league. Real low-key stuff, just a way to have fun and go drinking afterwards. A couple of black teams wanted to join the league, and they didn't think much of it at first. Then the problems began. The black teams would dispute referee calls all the time and get into arguments with the white teams. Then one day, things get out of control. After the game, one of the blacks gets out a knife and starts waving it around threatening everyone. The next day, all the white teams band together and form what they call the "NNL", short for "No Nigger League".

Coontact Tale #33

Bck in highschool, Iworked at Circuit City in the warehouse. It was fun. Anyways, i was coming back from taking a piss and I hear a lot of commotion by the Customer Service counter. Aparently, this fat black woman tried to make a purchase with a stolen credit card. The cops were called and she was screaming how racist the store was because she was caught using a stolen credit card.

Coontact Tale #34

So I'm walking near 42nd street, this black woman comes up to me, of course, no "excuse me" or anything, and starts barking "where is this?!?"

She has a piece of paper in her hand,

"ma-da-may ... too-saw-deez .. ?!? where is ma-da-may too-saw-deez?!?"

I say I have no idea, so she gives me the paper which says "Madame Tussauds" so I say "I think it's over there, take a right on that street" so she looks at me like I just shot her dog and starts yelling "oh! you THINK?!? you THINK?!?!?! what the fuck is that, you THINK?!?, forget you" and storms away angry

I learned my lesson though - never help anyone.

(You can help people everyday just not the niggers)

Coontact Tale #35

OK. One last story.

When I was about 5 or 6, I unwittingly befriended a black kid at school. One day, I invited him over to my house after school.

At the time, I had a St. Bernard named Brutus. He was a super laid-back and gentle soul. Anywho, I came home with my little black friend and ,as usual, Brutus was there to greet me. Seeing how Little Black Sambo was a bit startled by Brutus' size, I explained to my little black buddy that there was nothing to fear. He approached Brutus cautiously and extended his swarthy little hand in friendship. Without making a noise, and as if to say "Thanks for the new toy", Brutus reared up on his haunches and clamped his massive jaws around the head of my new negro friend.

With the darkie screaming bloody murder, Brutus trotted off to the kitchen to play with his new toy in peace.

Needless to say my mother was very upset with me and I never brought a negro home again.

Coontact Tale #36

I guess I should add my story. There is a Denny's in Emeryville (near Oakland) that is a favorite after hours hang out for stoned college students and Black folks coming back from clubs. I was there one night high as a kite with my other stoned caucasian, Indian, and Asian friends. An African American gentlemen walked into the restraunt and announced,

"Can a Nigger get his dick sucked tonight? Some bitch betta suck this shit befo' my grand slam comes." Everybody in the restraunt, who happened to be drunk and/or stoned laughs.

He then sits next to a group of Black ladies and starts chatting them up. (Don't know exactly how this happens.) He leaves the ladies for a moment, and another lady from another party approaches one of the ladies our gentlemen friend was courting and said, "You must have no draws if he is done talking to you?" A cat fight then insued with the ladies rolling around on the floor pulling on their hair weaves. You had to have been there and taken several bong rips that night.

Coontact Tale #37

This is my brother's story. He works for an appliance manufacturer and the story was told to him by the owner of a small chain of appliance stores.

The store had a negroid delivery driver who would show up for work everyday in a tie, dress shirt and dress pants. He would come into work and then change into his delivery uniform. At the end of the day he would come back to the store, change back into his clothes and leave. After awhile, someone asked him why he came in to work dressed up when he could just come in wearing his delivery uniform. They thought maybe he was working a second job or something. The negroid stated that he wanted his neighbors to think he had the type of job where he was required to wear a tie, not just a delivery driver, so he would leave the house each morning dressed up. The silly negroid was going to all this trouble just to appear more successful than he actually was!

Another time the negroid was out on a delivery with another delivery driver, who was white. It was a hot summer day and the white guy was surprised to see the negroid rolling up the windows in the delivery truck after they had just completed a delivery. He asked the guy what the hell he was doing. The negroid explained that they were going to have to drive through a neighborhood where several of his friends lived on the way to their next delivery. The negroid said, in his deep Sambo voice, "I can't have my boyz knowin' that I ain't got air conditnin' in mah truck. If I rolls up the windows, it look like I does". Whitey protested but the negroid was insistent that they keep the windows rolled up until they had gone through the hood where his homies lived.

Reminds me of the welfare niggas you see wearing Fila track suits and gold jewray...they got to look GOOD even if they are piss poor.

Coontact Tale #38

One morning I was at a convenience store in Vancouver, north end of West Broadway. I had a container of milk and a newspaper. In saunters this ugly arrogant monkey. I was third in line at the counter. The monkey goes to the fridges and grabs a huge bottle of Pepsi. He then pulls out a quart bottle of booze from one of his pockets, takes a big gulp, and chases it with some soda. The Paki kid behind the counter was intimidated by him. Anyway, the monkey walks to the FRONT of the line, cutting everybody off. The guy in front of me says "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" The monkey doesn't turn around. Then the guy in front of me says "Hey, I'm talking to you." The monkey turns around with this hideous angry frown on his face. The monkey says something that no one could understand to the cashier who asks "What? I don't understand." The monkey repeats itself. Same thing. Then says fuck it and gets his change. I watched him leave the store and get in a piece of shit car, crank up some monkey rap noise, take another big drink and drive off. What did I do? Called the police on my cell phone. Gave them the story and the license number. A few short minutes later I'm driving up Broadway and see that the police have him up against the trunk of a police car.

Fuck it was funny. Felt great turning in that obnoxious piece of crap.

Great job, I do this every chance I get! Fight crime and do your duty, turn in a nigger piece of shit today.

Coontact Tale #39

Niggers, gotta hate 'em!

Put five Oakland nigger gangbangers in a Ford Escort, two in the front and three in the back, give one of the back-seaters a revolver and another a popular gangsta-style 9mm with an extended magazine, and you've got all the ingredients of a disaster. For the dudes in the car, that is; maybe not so much for anybody else.

The five turdcolored chimps cruised up to a sidewalk-shuffling group of rival Dillengers, presenting all targets on the drivers side of the car. Now,this left the wheelgun shooter in the left rear seat with a fair field of fire, and he immediately began popping caps at the other niggers. Unfortunately, this kinda limited the shooting opportunity for our wanna-be sub-machinegunner in the right rear seat, who stretched himself out the window, took up the made-for-TV sideways-grip shooting position, and immediately began blowing holes in the top of his homeys car.

Five rounds later, two of the bruddaz were ex-gangsters, including the wheelgunner, who took a "top dead center" tap to the skull and dropped his revolver in the street. A total of one round seems to have reached the intended targets on the sidewalk, ricocheting off the roof of the car and popping one shitskin in the shin. At this point, the driver probably figured they were somehow losing this gunfight to a buncha guys who haven't fired a shot, and floors the gas pedal. Of course, in a Ford Escort, this doesn't produce startling velocities, but at least they chug out of the area. Once clear of the scene, the nigger driver discovers that two of his fellow gangstas are deceased, one of them being his own brother.

Oh, it ain't over. After ditching the car, the driver goes to a pay phone and calls his mammy, regretfully informing her of the loss of her other niglet. Unwilling to believe the bad news, she then picks him up at the phone booth and drives back to the bullet-riddled car, now surrounded by police officers, all of whom are consumed with curiousity over the whereabouts of the survivors.

Mom ask if it's true her son is dead, and a quick thinking officer ask "How do you know that your son is in the car?" Naturally she explaines that her other son, the nigger driver during the shooting, told her so. Which other son? The one sitting in her own car, parked around the corner. Liberal doses of bluesuits and bracelets followed.

"Top Gun", the car-cappin coon, was captured the next day. Scorecard: The Nigger Assault Team suffers two KIA, three in custody and a perforated Ford, all self-inflicted, while the opposing team of nigs suffer shinbone ouchies and possiblyself-fouled trousers. The entire affair is reported to have mustered a collective IQ of less than 28.

Coontact Tale #40

A different reader provides this insight into what life in Oakland is like (glad I don't live in that niggerfuxated shithole):

Army sends surgeons for training to Highland Hospital for training in treating gunshot wounds.

It is the kind of place where the ER personnel where rubber knee high boots because of all the blood dripping around.

Friend of mine broke her leg, she is on a gurney in a corridor (usual public hospital medicine). Next gurney is a prisoner, with a sheriff to guard him. Sheriff goes off to get some coffee and leaves prisoner on gurney. My friend was terrified but the dusky suspect was not able to get off gurney, and presumably rape my friend which is probably what he wanted to do.

Nigger antics are always good for a great laugh!

Coontact Tale #41

A wee bit late in the game but here goes:

I used to work at a little full-service 5000 watt AM station back in the late 80's. Anyway, the GM was feeling the PC pinch so he decided to hire a black announcer. A female black announcer. 1 day early in her short career, she was reading the news (very badly, I might add) when I heard her saying something totally fucking foreign. The program mgr. walks into the studio after she closed the mike and said "It's prouncouced de-moyn-i-wah, not des moineys eye-oh-wah" My lip bled profusely as I bit trying not to laugh.

Thing is, she also pronounced the "S" on the end of Illinois and always "axed" questions. Fucking EOE requirements..

Almost as bad as my pronouncing Bruce Cockburn like it's spelled.


Coontact Tale #42

I worked in a retail sporting goods store in college. Nigger teen male comes in, tries to return a pair of basketball shoes that obviously have been worn several times. My co-worker and I give the shoes a cursory glance and I ask him why he wants to return them. He mumbles something about "they don't feel right anymore" and some unintelligible garbage. I tell him he can't return shoes that have been worn unless they are defective. He glares at me, takes the shoes and leaves. The dumbass comes back two hours later. Now the shoes have a huge gash along the side. He claims he was out balling and they just split down the side. Demands his money back. I tell him it's obvious that the shoes have been cut with a sharp object and did not split. He says he's not leaving until I give him his money back. I tell him to exit the store or I'll call security. He storms out and goes to the mall office and tells them I won't return his shoes because he is black and if he were white he already would have gotten his money back. Store manager was called in, conferred with the mall manager and security. Young nigga was politely asked not to come back to the mall and try to return used merchandise ever again or the police would be involved.

Similar stories of niggers bringing in worn shoes, trying to get their money back, get a new pair, etc. Happened about twice a month and the town I went to college in didn't even have that many niggers in it. They all were drawn to the store I worked in though because of the b-ball shoes and shiny warm-up suits.

One time the store was packed on a Saturday. Customers were mobbing the counter, no way in hell we could tell who was next in line. We would just say, "Next" and someone would step up, get taken care of. It's starting to thin out and standing there is mall security with a two nigger girls about 15 and a big fat nigger momma. The security officer asks to talk to one of us. He tells my co-worker that one of the girls said that we were waiting on all the white people but wouldn't wait on her because she is black. Co-worker explains what had been happening, tells him we were just trying to get everyone taken care of, if she had spoken up or stepped forward we would have waited on her. Nigger mammy proclaims "NUH UHHHH!!! NO SIR!!! You didn't wait on this here girl cuz she is black. Don't tell me you didn't see her standing there. I seen this happen in here befoe and I ain't gonna stand for it happenin' to my chile. NO SIR!!! I am gonna call our pastor and we are gonna talk to the PO-lice and the newspaper".

Security guard tries to calm her down, says it was a misunderstanding. Nigger mammy says that if we give them the merchandise they were going to buy (about $75 worth of stuff) then they will leave without any more problems. Says we "owe" it to them for the way we treated her daughter. My co-worker tells her no so she calls him a stupid muthafucka. Security guard rolls his eyes and tells nigger mammy she needs to exit the store immediately. Nigger mammy starts yelling "Looky here everbody! Black folk cain't shop her no mo'. Are money ain't no good here". Then she stomps out with the two young single mothers-to-be in tow.

Coontact Tale #43

While in the supermarket, this black woman was waiting to pay for her groceries...she was fat of course, and was werin a big ass hat. Anyway, all of a sudden, there is blood running down the side of her cheek, a woman says, MAAAM your bleeding, the Black wench says, mine yo bitness...but MAAM there is blood running down your cheek, how can i possibly mind my business, with that, the cashier called security...underneath her hat..A FUCKING ROAST BEEF...BUSTED

Coontact Tale #44

While viewing "Scream 2" with friends a few years back, two fat black girls about 18 or 19 sat in front of us. Nice theater, new concept at the time -- stadium on a very steep slope so you really don't see the people in front of you. Still, their piled high motherfucka hair-dos were in the way. Okay - theater's full, lights are down - deal with it.

They start their shit right away. Yappity fucking yap yap yap. The theater was 98% white, and literally, handfuls of people were shushing these two clueless cunts immediately. They pull that "I PAID my money to be up in here so you best shut the fuck up" trip. Two people left to summon the manager; he arrives and tells them to be quiet or they have to leave. Audience applauds.

They seemed to not even be aware of the fact that at every turn, they were shouting, "oh girl, she better not do that!" - "oh day-um this is scary!", and so on.

Best part: even after being warned, at one particularly tense moment, one of them actually stood up, hollered, "girl I am about to pee my pants I am so scared", and ran from the theater. 5 minutes later she came back, then would half-stand up as if preparing to leave again during the 'scary' parts.

Only good things: they were shushed, and we were offered passes for a free movie as we left the theater.

Coontact Tale #45

This story involves my bro and a negro child:

My brother drives for the city bus company so he has to deal with these gorillas every day. One day he's waiting for passangers to board the bus in front of the local high school when one of the female apes gets on and yells "Man dis bus sho is ugly!" and turns around laughing to join the rest of her brood, who were also cracking up(I don't know why that's funny to them). My bro opens up the window and yells "Not as ugly as your he-she face!" The little ape started screaming back expletives as my bro was pulling out. He simply extended the finger towards her as he passed.

Coontact Tale #46

I don't this this classifies as a tale of personal TNB but wss so precious I had to add it in anyway.

Dog vs Nigger...Dog won.

A Winchester, Virginia newspaper reported that a "man" trying to beat his dog to death with a gun was fatally wounded when it apparently went off accidentally.

Raymond Poore Jr., 43, called his wife at work and told her that their dog had bitten him and he intended to kill the dog.

When the wife came home she found her husband unconscious, with a number of dog bites and scratches. Emergency medical personnel discovered that Poole had been shot. He was pronounced dead at Winchester Medical Center.

The police said Poore must have beaten the 30-pound Shar-Pei with the gun that went off and said the stock of the weapon, a combination rifle and shotgun, was broken and there appeared to be blood and dog hair on it.

The dog was in the custody of an animal control officer. Police had no detail on how badly the puppy was injured.

Let us all hope and pray the dog made a full recovery and was adopted by a loving white family.

Coontact Tale #47

Here's a military one for you.

Onetime, back in the eighties in the Air Force, we were told to fall in for a run.

OK, so there we were really pissed off. Anyway a black guy, shows up, dressed in black like fucking Milk Tray man. Woolly hat, track suit, expensive trainers...

So he starts warming up, stretches, push ups, running on the spot, looking over to see if we were watching, trying to psych us we gave a shit (too busy smoking)

Got to say he looked in good shape though. So just as we we were about to start the run, he starts doing backflips, two or three in a row. Impressive! Then he does four in a row and ends up tangled up in the razor wire nearby.

We left him to it,laughing ourselves sick...

Coontact Tale #48

Here we have a followup about jigaboos in a crowded theater and an answer to the usual whooping and hollering TNB that accompanies them.

Similar situation, only my buddy decided to launch one of those bladder buster 32 ounce cokes from our vanatge point 6 rows behind them. He was a hell of a good shot - hit the middle one of the three and soaked them all. No one was sitting around them cause they were yappy and the smelled of whore perfume. They screamed and wailed and threatened to call the cops but the 200 people in the theater just kept laughing at them. They got up and left, yelling and screaming the whole time. great fun.

Coontact Tale #49

Damn man, just went to Wal Mart for some light bulbs. Must have given the welfare out early. Niggers everywhere. Inside little sprogs sucking up candy right off the shelve. Must have been 2 dozen 300-400 black mammies running around filling carts while these little cannibals ran wild.

Forget deer season we need a sprog season.

Coontact Tale #50

Used to work for a large corporation. Turned out our branch had a drug ring running in it. Nothing big, but employees were dealing drugs to each other and it was done out of the mailroom. Mangers, reps and clerks would call in their order and one of the mail guys would stuff it into an envelope and bring it up later in the day.

Corporate security ran a sting and one day three people nobody knows show up from HQ along with three local cops and take over a conference room. Then they proceed to summon the individuals involved in the ring to the conference room one by one. The cops then shuttled the fuckers to jail after their meeting for booking. This was a lot of people (like 24) and it took two days.

One black chick knew her name was going to get called and got all indignant. Went into a rage, said this was racist (there were only 4 blacks in the 24 people, the rest were white), that she would not stand for it, said white people were out to get her because she was a smart black woman with a career. Finally just left work in her rental car paid for by the company for her to travel (Her own car got repo'ed at work which was another funny story. HR Director called me over to his office and we watched the whole thing. He even called her up on speakerphone and told her to look out the window - only he waited to do it after it was hooked up and ready to roll). Anyway, the dumb bitch never showed up for work again.

Two months later we get the call from the car rental agency wondering where their car was. We said we didn't know and assumed it must be stolen. So this dumb bitch fled town with the car. Found out later they busted her for grand theft. She was only looking at a misdemeanor drug charge and a job loss.

Instead the bitch did time.

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